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God awaits us in the midst of the forest. Lush and verdant, tender with life’s most reverent of creations. We cannot hear the cries of the greatest Mother of all. The Divine Feminine which settles beneath our flesh and bones, the womb Goddess, the carrier of all humankind. The epitome of grace made manifest by the heavens. These lands were birthed for the innocent, not for the iniquities hidden by the false desires we perpetuate in our minds. These lands were birthed for the holy, not for the entitled who endeavor to diminish any sanctity through greed, fear, anger or any emotion that tears this womb apart. These lands await patiently. The kingdoms that dwell within this Great Mother have created sanctuaries for us to pray in, yet our lack of humility has made us uninvited guests at times. The trees whisper but we cannot hear their stories. The flowers sing but we cannot hear their music. The waters flow but we refuse to value their importance. The animals protect and serve all kingdoms yet we offer them no dignity. The only dignity some of us understand is that of our own self-righteousness. The earth was not created to serve humankind. It is we humans who were made to serve this Great Mother. How can we tread softly on her if we cannot even tread softly on the ground between one human being and the next? Our footprints will carry the tears of humanity as well as these lands. We will succumb to humility and we can do it gently or be moved by the forces of creation. We are feeling the movement that comes with rebirth. We are noticing the changes within all the kingdoms of this Great Mother. We are noticing the changes within humanity. The Divine Feminine is ready to birth anew? Are you?

There is a vast wilderness

Calling to each and every one of us

Within our hearts.

Many of us struggling to “find our purpose.”

Who was it that told you that purpose defined your existence?

Or that it needed to be a conscious action on behalf of a journey?

Who told you that your trials are a consequence of

Those thoughts you put out into the universe?

When did spirituality become so misguided

That its beliefs led to more separation within self and between self and others?

Cannot life itself be all that you need?

Suffering is so universal.

Darkness is as prevalant as light.

Life is as messy as it is resplendent.

The courage it takes to be real,

To step outside of the spiritual bigotry

And preconceived notions

That worthiness can only be realized

If you are on a conscious path.

Life itself. How beautiful.

I am so grateful, especially those times my mind quiets itself to accept that basic truth.

This hallowed rain

Deluged with ancient souls

Torments the sky above me

Crying over every wound

Humanity has pierced itself with.

Every voice wants to return

To the gentle womb that gave it life

As well as limb and breath and hope.

If every pain was witnessed

By a light that was afraid to shine

By a darkness that could forgive,

How fortunate we would be to

Meet each other in grace.

The place that would soothe all our wounds

And remind this hallowed rain

That its holiness serves a purpose.

Its teardrops remind us we are all a part of God.

Do we let go of our integrity to remain in power?

Moral and ethical principles don’t always provide us with that sense of control, whether internal or external, when we are faced with challenging situations. The flight or fight response, the repetitive response we have to trauma, signals our brains that we have to survive. It doesn’t give us the time to contemplate integrity or sit with our powerlessness in any given moment.

Whatever we do to control any given situation when we are threatened might always feel like we are doing the “right” thing because we are trying to keep ourselves safe. Our challenges lose sight that we might be fighting for our beliefs because fighting for our survival usurps anything else. We believe that we are in integrity because we then relate integrity to feeling safe, in control and in power. I wonder how many of us can equate powerlessness with integrity? I wonder how many of us even want to try? It’s hard when we are engrossed in a world where we correlate our identities individually and collectively with having power. We experience this in every facet of society.

Integrity is one of the most potent forms of empowerment I have ever personally known and witnessed, especially in the face of undeniable powerlessness.

Trauma

Trauma is entrancing.

Its darkness ignites a certain curiosity within us, testing the realms of our fear, our powerlessness, the unknown.

Its tentacles waging war in our psyches, in every universe within us.

We become mesmerized by both its strengths and its weaknesses.

We become mesmerized by our responses to what trauma triggers within us.

Some of us become so fascinated by the power it wields that we would rather allow ourselves to be engulfed in the flames

than to sit back and bear witness.

We name it, we love it, we hate it.

We identify with it at the same time we run from it.

We challenge it.

In understanding and knowing it more deeply, we feel we can know ourselves.

The day will come when you are not hypnotized by it any more.

The power struggle will quiet itself and you will simply walk away.

Bearing witness sometimes offers a greater reward than continuing to engage.

This is something I speak about often with clients. It seemed to be a recurring theme this week with sessions which is why I wanted to share a few thoughts here. Let’s look at the shaming around illness, especially around illness that is not so obvious to others, even those closest to you. There are so many new “illnesses” that are being diagnosed everyday, and younger people are coming down with conditions at a higher percentage from twenty years ago, ten years ago, even five years ago. It is not uncommon for me to hear from a client that people remark they look okay, so there isn’t an understanding or comprehension of a physical malady upon sight. A friend yesterday showed me a photo of a young woman she knows who is very ill and I said, “You wouldn’t know it because she looks amazing.” Yet many of these illnesses work insidiously, depleting a body of its most necessary resources and causing a myriad of symtoms for the sufferer. We are in a society where people are uncomfortable with their bodies first and foremost, and more so when it comes to becoming ill. We are a culture that does not know how to respect or approach illness within ourselves or someone we know. Please take a moment to take that last statement in. People are uncomfortable around illness and have many times, create shame based thoughts and relationships around that uncomfortability as opposed to learning new ways of approaching and respecting what are bodies or minds are struggling with. The shame based relationship we create with illness keeps us disassociated from ourselves and each other, furthering isolation and stress. Indigenous cultures understood the importance of relating to illness authentically, so that there was a sense of honor in alignment with one’s suffering no matter the extent of the illness.

There is such isolation that comes with the loss of emotional freedom, especially when it comes to people being able to express how they feel when they are ill.  A separation from society and from what is considered the norm is prevalent. Well, we are being shown that illness is again, occuring at any age these days and that there are so many “mystery” illnesses on the horizon. We are being faced with having to shift a paradigm of shame and uncomfortability around sickness and how we treat, define and separate ourselves from people who are facing these challenges.

I am willing to be with any uncomfortable thoughts that might get triggered around other people’s ailments. After all I have had my own struggles and have been working with people with physical and mental health issues for almost thirty years now. Once in a while, yes, I  still get triggered when I see someone suffering to the point that my own mind thinks is unfair. But I sit with it so that the space I hold for them becomes more authentic as I listen. 

If we can contribute to rising above the collective shame around being sick, I think that allows us to take a step closer to becoming a more compassionate world.

We are all afraid of carrying ourselves in front of people.

Of unveiling our vulnerabilities down to the distinct rawness of

character we imagine helps us feel safe

as we create our life narrative.

The labels we put on those narratives

as though self love is dictated by every measure of worth we attribute to those stories.

Oh the effort we expend to be real, to be seen, to be heard, to be valued.

When all we have to do, as daunting as it may seem, is to accept ourselves with such an intensity until we believe that we matter, that everything about us matters.

Freedom can be so exhilarating.

Retreat slowly

So that when worlds collide

You will know where to find

Your solitude

Amidst the chaos.

It will liken itself

To an innocence not lost,

Only hidden from sight

Until it was ready to

Be completely understood.