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Most tears are fertile in a

Womb deemed barren

By centuries of confusion and despair

Where love and hate diffuse themselves

Amidst the sun and stars

And a sullen earth pleads for a gentler heart to

Mend its wounds.

A simple moment of gratitude

Please bestow upon brethren

An intimacy you are frightened of

A loneliness shared amongst the many

Whose rebirth becomes your birth over and over again.

Your tears ache and pray with each movement

Of your soul

Beating as every light and every darkness

Passes through the very portal of your womb.

Forgive until those tears know kindness.

Man or woman

We all give birth to each other.

A paradise of gratitude

Breathing out the iniquities

Breathing in the grace.

One tear at a time.

A fertile awakening.

One that only gratitude can comprehend.

Us versus Them

When people ask me if I think we have evolved, I am reticent to answer that question. These United States have only been incorporated for a few hundred years. We’ve rarranged the narrative, all of us, literally in our history books, so that we see ourselves as hero and victor, creator of freedom, savior on many levels. I’m not writing about politics, but sharing some thoughts on the emotional and spiritual epigenetics behind it. The Constitution says that all men are created equal. At the time it was written, all men weren’t. In fact, all men, women and children weren’t. Since the dawn of time, humans have lived in survival mode. Survival of the fittest physically, emotionally and spiritually. That trickles down to race, gender, socioeconomics, and culture narratives. Us versus them is a paradigm instilled within us at the moment we separated from self, from our true identity, in order to meet the needs of the familial and cultural identities we were born with, and eventually the identitites that we create in order to feel safe. Our pirmal instinct is to have our basic needs met. Those needs are different for everyone and are defined by many factors. There is an entitement consciousness that has arisen out of our basic need to survive because some how, less than equates to unworthiness and inferiority. These same emotional and spiritual issues that humanity has been struggling with for thousands of years I believe we still struggle with today. Only there is more of a need to feel safe, and more “things” to fight over to bring about that sense of safety. In our competition for safety, powerlessness becomes a tool we use against each other and understanding of another person’s safety becomes less important than your own. Understandable. We still don’t know a better way to shift things without some sort of cataclysmic response or reaction. 

The word freedom truly is defined by our epigenetic threads. The boss who allowed for the child laborer to work fourteen hours instead of fifteen. The women who were instituitionalized insted of murdered when husbands no longer had interest. The people of color who had separate restrooms or who were only lashed a few times instead of a few hundred times. Women who were finally allowed into medical school or given the right to vote. Somewhere along the line, some epigenetic thread was a part of that decision making process and influenced how we feel about the world today, about those living in our communities and in our families. Those decisions helped to influence how each and every one of us defines our right to live in a “free” society.

I don’t see a “free” society. For me, free means we value each other as human beings, while having the right to disagree. It means we take responsbility for our powerlessness and stop giving our power over the ways in which we do to those in authority who make decisions for us. It means we don’t project our unworthiness to individuals whose way of life doesn’t make us feel safe so that our life is more entitled to exist than someone else’s. I don’t know how long it will take us to stop telling others how their lives should be lived so that we can feel safe. And we could manifest this with the appropriate boundaries that move fluidly with the times we are in.

Us verus Them. I don’t see this paradigm ending soon. But if we want to change it, just begin by changing just one thing inside yourself, especially when it comes to someone you disagree with.

Those closest to you may not understand your need to rest, shut down, or even isolate.

The tempest within you may confuse others of who they think you are.

Your version of feeling safe might not be recognized.

Your need for a boundary might cause others to leave you.

Your process is your own. Don’t use it to judge yourself or others who can’t hold space for you.

That space within you is your birthright.

The space around you belongs to you and the world.

You can’t figure out who others are without knowing yourself first.

Sanctuary

The wild grows like flowers

Amidst the landscape of earthen Spirits

Each lay claim to your heart and soul

Such emptiness abounds

In a sanctuary blessed by the gods

Confounded by humanity

Such bliss meets the unknown

And waivers in the presence of

Unconditional love

Descend into yourself

Pulsating heartbeats

The sanctuary will reveal itself

One light at a time

One god at a time

One day you will no longer

Fear the self you have been

Running from.

Equinox

Change is coming.

Emerging from chaos, the emptiness had its purpose.

Defined by the experiences we have all struggled through

The emptiness became a companion as the world returned to its original wound of separation.

It needed us as much as we needed it.

We needed it in the light, only we bathed with it in the darkness.

Our fury contained within boundaries we had not yet uncovered.

Our faith in the light wavering from desperation.

How are we to trust this new horizon?

Emerge slowly.

So that you may taste the light in all its innocence and bless the chaos.

Not as you would have it, but as that wound of separation.

That wound which will bring many of you back to yourself.

Back to this world, back to each other.

The warmth of the sun is kissing your lips today.

The birds will sing glorious melodies in your name.

Emerge during this change that is upon us.

For in your emptiness

all will be made holy and still.

I wonder where you learned that fear was not okay?

Or that doubt and insecurity were emotional prisons that kept you from your authentic self?

Who was it that guided you in thinking that if things went awry you were on the wrong path?

And when did your humanity become something to be ashamed of in the course of your awakening?

Live your life without having to constantly question or analyze every thought or emotion you perceive is counterintuitive to your spiritual growth. There is such vulnerability and fragility in our humanness  There is such authenticity at the threshold of our weaknesses that we sometimes cannot see them as strengths. There is great hope within those wounds. There is great love within that emptiness. There is as much dignity in carrying the darkness as there is in carrying the light.

How much guilt are you willing to part with amidst this emotional chaos?

Are you willing to let God see you in the mire as much as you allow Her to see you in the light?

The choice is yours.

Your humanity doesn’t have to be as difficult as you make it.

We all have our own understanding of anger.

It is not something we can define

until we are standing knee deep in the mire

With a fire that so encapsulates us

One that burns through the softness and acceptance

of a surrender we had become disciplined to befriend.

It is something that can consume us

In its righteousness

When not respected for what its lessons can bring.

It can alter your world if you allow it or

show you compassion as you endure it.

The way you carry it becomes your choice.

Hollow in form when in the darkness

yet filled with such renewal of creation

When held in the light.

Such a delicate balance

weaved between enemy and friend.

Your emotion.

Part of your nature.

Respect its boundaries

And let that fire burn so it rebirths

Yet not destroys the very life you live.

We are the Portal

There is a hastening of body, mind and spirit unfolding.

In my prayers, I keep asking God to afford us all the grit we need to stay present and empty.

Throughout time astrological and spiritual shifts have transpired as they are now- there is nothing different about that.

What is different is that we have more to lose, because as a collective identity, we have acquired more.

More in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms. Our desires and attachments to material things, emotions and thoughts have compounded themselves tenfold, thus increasing the myriad power struggles we have created to keep those identities we perceive make us safe. Our desire for a “spiritual identity” which many equate to having spiritual gifts or prowess has grown, making many of us more lost than ever.

When do we allow ourselves to befriend the emptiness?

When do we become the portal we have been searching for?

When has fear become such a negative thing instead of a stop along the way to carrying the unknown?

I’ve witnessed more anxiety and depression than I ever have in my almost twenty eight years of practice.

Alienation and isolation as opposed to connection is the direction we have unfortunately been headed in.

All the tools in the world will not prevent us from grieving in those spaces, from experiencing the loss of identity over and over again in these challenging times. Those tools won’t prevent you from facing your anger, your pain or confusion. Those tools instead will give you the resolve to own them and allow them to forge a new identity with each challenge you face. It will offer you the opportunity for those connections you once used to crave so deeply and intensely.

There will always be endings and beginnings. There will always be waves of good and evil throughout humanity. What can shift is how we choose to engage with each power struggle. And within that process, we will acquire a new understanding of emptiness and the unknown. That portal is within. I invite you to make its acquaintance.