Blog

We are the Portal

There is a hastening of body, mind and spirit unfolding.

In my prayers, I keep asking God to afford us all the grit we need to stay present and empty.

Throughout time astrological and spiritual shifts have transpired as they are now- there is nothing different about that.

What is different is that we have more to lose, because as a collective identity, we have acquired more.

More in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms. Our desires and attachments to material things, emotions and thoughts have compounded themselves tenfold, thus increasing the myriad power struggles we have created to keep those identities we perceive make us safe. Our desire for a “spiritual identity” which many equate to having spiritual gifts or prowess has grown, making many of us more lost than ever.

When do we allow ourselves to befriend the emptiness?

When do we become the portal we have been searching for?

When has fear become such a negative thing instead of a stop along the way to carrying the unknown?

I’ve witnessed more anxiety and depression than I ever have in my almost twenty eight years of practice.

Alienation and isolation as opposed to connection is the direction we have unfortunately been headed in.

All the tools in the world will not prevent us from grieving in those spaces, from experiencing the loss of identity over and over again in these challenging times. Those tools won’t prevent you from facing your anger, your pain or confusion. Those tools instead will give you the resolve to own them and allow them to forge a new identity with each challenge you face. It will offer you the opportunity for those connections you once used to crave so deeply and intensely.

There will always be endings and beginnings. There will always be waves of good and evil throughout humanity. What can shift is how we choose to engage with each power struggle. And within that process, we will acquire a new understanding of emptiness and the unknown. That portal is within. I invite you to make its acquaintance.

You are the wilderness.

That sacred vessel

Where humanity’s tears and wounds

Dance ecstatically amidst

The miracles of your ancestors.

The darkness and the light

are both so alive and raw

With generations

Of a collective identity

Still searching for a home.

That wilderness is your home.

A chaos so free and divine

So wild with God

That even play becomes a form

Of surrender.

This version of you

You hope others bear witness to

Waiting centuries for any morsel of acknowledgement 

Let it rest gently 

In your mind

So that it might find peace

Until you rise

Within yourself

So much so

And realize that no other version

Of yourself

Really ever existed

Except the one

You have intimately loved

Throughout time.

This past week seemed to be a highly stressful week for many. I found a number of my clients experiencing neurological switching. That “switching” can be likened to neurological chaos, where there is a lack of integration between the left and right hemispheres or various parts of the brain; enough to throw one’s nervous system out of balance. The brain, the body, emotions, thoughts and the ability to simply be present becomes confusing. Appetites and cravings can change, sleep patterns will be disturbed, and brain fog can ensue. There are of course many ways to “switch” back so that you can feel more like yourself.

One of my clients wasn’t feeling all that well. He has underlying chronic medical issues and was “switching” to such an extent that his medical condition was worsening. I spent the first twenty minutes listening and then I asked him to open an encapsulated herb and put some of it up both nostrils. Yes, you heard me right. Intranasal and transdermal methods of delivering herbs, oils, nutrients are a practice I have always utilized with my clients who are open to it and sensitive enough. In  Ayurveda, the nostrils are considered the pathway of prana. Within minutes, he began to settle and feel more like himself. The confusion subsided, his pulses began to normalize for him (something I feel over the phone), and by the end of the session his appetite returned. With another client I worked with, I asked her to break open a probiotic capsule and do the same thing. It also had a similar healing effect. This week they have been spraying dangerous pesticides in my area for West Nile. With the relentless heat, the pesticides remained in the air for days and I was having upper respiratory issues. I needed something to work with my brain pretty quickly so instead of taking liposomal glutathione internally, I put a few drops in my hand and massaged it into various neurovascular points on my head. I also put some probiotics in my own nostrils. Sometimes I will put fatty acids in my nostrils when they spray. 

There are various traditions of old that relied on transdermal methods of delivery for herbs or utilizing various orifices. Vaginal herbal steam baths were and are popular within certain cultures and used for many women’s reproductive health issues. Some of these methods are more effective than taking something orally. From malabsorption issues to the digestive breakdown of a supplement and the enzymatic processes involved, sometimes “wearing” your medicine, or “bathing” various body parts with it might be your best option!

There is an inner world bursting at the seams.

Ancient wounds tethered to false prophets

Promises ignited from fear and loss

Bonds forged from both power and powerlessness

Centuries of stories created to bind human against human.

Where has this gotten us?

A light barely recognized in the absence of love.

Tears from generations past

Weeping profusely from your eyes

And streaming down your cheeks.

A faith always challenged

A stranger to your own pain.

We are at times unknown to each other.

Our weaknesses can accomplish much with love.

You are part of the same ripple in the universe

As your brethren.

Masculine or feminine

In truth doesn’t matter.

To touch your scars softly

With my heart allows me to embrace my own pain.

Oh God what you find in the emptiness

Changes with every moment of growth.

The abyss can be resplendent

With intimacy

If you only allow it to be seen

If you only allow yourself to be witnessed.

I bear witness to you my friends.

To your hopes and dreams that walk this earth

Filled with so much possibility.

I bear witness to your prayers.

To the form they birth in alignment with God’s will.

We are the inner home of God’s breath.

My breath is with you as yours is with me.

This home we have built needs each and every one of us.

Unburden yourself sweet children of God

And love one another.

Yes.

Just love one another!

Raw and untamed, we enter into this world, this wilderness, birthed from a womb that has carried the stories of many generations. Unfiltered psyche, present in parallel realities as we are ensconced by a knowing of the life to come. We are still in the water, waiting to be born, to be nurtured as much by humanity as we are the Divine, not having any preconceived notions of what that might look like. All we pray for is to be welcomed by this vast wilderness we are entering into, this human conglomeration of emotions, thoughts, experiences, prayers. This wilderness is perplexing. Masculine and feminine energies abound compelling us to mold into a form governed by what humans think they should be. This wilderness has an evolution all its own. One many times we are not ready to embrace. One many times we are not willing to accept. Our vulnerabilities are channeled through the forms which are presented us. What do we know coming from innocence? We are vulnerable in our fears. We are vulnerable in our anger. We are vulnerable in our capacity to love. We are vulnerable in our capacity to hate. Our innocence frightened away by our emotional projections, Yet, how can we not project? The iniquities of this world challenge us to the bone. We separate ourselves in this wilderness; any identity we need to feel safe, innocent, whole. The wilderness is meant to inspire us to feel, to live, to lose our sense of selves so that we may become greater than we ever thought we could be. This wilderness compels us to feel lost, to grieve so deeply that our bones ache with each step we take. And with every step, we cradle ourselves unto the earth for solace, for healing. This wilderness compels us to feel our rage, one in which many of us do not know how to channel correctly. One in which we utilize to destroy one another and hurt the very earth which carries us. Naked, in our aloneness, this wilderness does not want us to suffer. We feel stalked by a darkness we cannot comprehend. Yet, if we turned around to see exactly what might be stalking us, we’ll be staring at a mirror image of ourselves. The sacredness of this wilderness can balance that darkness without any interference from humanity, from our projections onto one another. Naked and alive, wild and free, the resilience and innocence we were borne with can indeed be remembered. They can be remembered as easily as the many tears we have shed for our wounds. We possess the courage, the innate fire of the Divine, to explore our emptiness in this vast paradigm. We possess the strength to go beyond the identity we were born with or have created for ourselves. We possess the worthiness as children of this God- blessed natural world to honor our grief, our rage, and any other emotion which limits us, which armors us, from loving one another unconditionally.

Emerging from the water, unto this rare earth, with its stories and paths of generations before us. Their emotions, their thoughts, still present when we lay our armor to the ground. Their spirits, still weaving an intricate web to amend past grievances and future ones to come. That untamed fire, that innocence, the loss of self, all culminating in an intense desire to be free from all preconceived notions of who we think we are, and how we live our lives. Wild, free, innocent, beautiful children of God. Bless you. Return to innocence and be free.

God awaits us in the midst of the forest. Lush and verdant, tender with life’s most reverent of creations. We cannot hear the cries of the greatest Mother of all. The Divine Feminine which settles beneath our flesh and bones, the womb Goddess, the carrier of all humankind. The epitome of grace made manifest by the heavens. These lands were birthed for the innocent, not for the iniquities hidden by the false desires we perpetuate in our minds. These lands were birthed for the holy, not for the entitled who endeavor to diminish any sanctity through greed, fear, anger or any emotion that tears this womb apart. These lands await patiently. The kingdoms that dwell within this Great Mother have created sanctuaries for us to pray in, yet our lack of humility has made us uninvited guests at times. The trees whisper but we cannot hear their stories. The flowers sing but we cannot hear their music. The waters flow but we refuse to value their importance. The animals protect and serve all kingdoms yet we offer them no dignity. The only dignity some of us understand is that of our own self-righteousness. The earth was not created to serve humankind. It is we humans who were made to serve this Great Mother. How can we tread softly on her if we cannot even tread softly on the ground between one human being and the next? Our footprints will carry the tears of humanity as well as these lands. We will succumb to humility and we can do it gently or be moved by the forces of creation. We are feeling the movement that comes with rebirth. We are noticing the changes within all the kingdoms of this Great Mother. We are noticing the changes within humanity. The Divine Feminine is ready to birth anew? Are you?

There is a vast wilderness

Calling to each and every one of us

Within our hearts.

Many of us struggling to “find our purpose.”

Who was it that told you that purpose defined your existence?

Or that it needed to be a conscious action on behalf of a journey?

Who told you that your trials are a consequence of

Those thoughts you put out into the universe?

When did spirituality become so misguided

That its beliefs led to more separation within self and between self and others?

Cannot life itself be all that you need?

Suffering is so universal.

Darkness is as prevalant as light.

Life is as messy as it is resplendent.

The courage it takes to be real,

To step outside of the spiritual bigotry

And preconceived notions

That worthiness can only be realized

If you are on a conscious path.

Life itself. How beautiful.

I am so grateful, especially those times my mind quiets itself to accept that basic truth.