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“Follow me,” the darkness said.
“Why?” I quivered.
“Maybe I’m what you need to remember your light. There are easier ways, but your nature is curious and your inadequacy great.”
I pondered for a moment.
“Will I truly remember?”
“It’s up to you. But once you remember, I won’t look the same anymore.”
“Why not?”
“You will no longer have the need to see me in the same way, to explore me with the same mind, to listen to me with the same heart. I will not be something you fear, but a distant companion, ready to remind you that I too, was once light. I lost my way. I chose another path. I seek you out to remind you of what I once was. You seek me out to forget who you truly are. We need each other, we always will.”

Arise from the womb gently, child.
The nourishing waters will baptize you.
In all that is seen humanly,
In all that is unseen Divinely.
From the waters to the earth,
You will leave many remarkable imprints.
Some so soft, God will notice.
Others so harsh, you will cry.
Running back to the flowing waters,
To the womb which held you.
But there is no going back.
A new womb awaits you child.
The waters are nothing you know.
You do not know yourself yet.
The waters will soon rise up.
You will come to know them,
As you come into knowing yourself.
This womb will be very different.
YOU will baptize the nourishing waters.
YOU will give this womb strength.
YOU will make the womb holy.
YOU will make the unseen seen.
No more running toward safe haven.
YOU will be that safe haven.
You will be that sacred womb.

I have witnessed such a surge of depression amidst my clients this week. People reaching out feeling lost, overwhelmed, exhausted and weary to the bone. Isolated as a response or coping mechanism, yet feeling the intensity of being alone. A spiral of emotions, so fearful that the depression will completely annihilate them body and soul. . It’s easy for someone on the outside to say they understand, but to the person experiencing it, it is a solitary path. I sit with clients in the energy of the depression, and do my best to hold space. This is some of what I have learned. And in bearing witness, I hope some of my words have brought solace.
Depression for every individual is different, simply because they walk that road internally alone. Many can identify an emptiness along this path. The emptiness in and of itself becomes overpowering, so much so that some cannot feel the hand of God beside them or the love of God within them. How could they? This is what many mystics referred to as the Dark Night of the Soul. Within that emptiness, one’s sense of self has no boundary, no way of defining a structure which keeps one psychologically and emotionally safe. Most of the boundary system unwinds to such a degree that confusion arises to every emotion experienced. Every thought and action is questioned and every life experience is called into realization for its authenticity. Emptiness has a profound impact on the person experiencing it. When depression ensues as a response to that emptiness, many people become trapped in their emotional bodies and are at a loss as to how to separate the two. Emptiness and depression are different. The two can exist together but when identified together, it takes depression to a whole different level and that is what I am witnessing this week. I am also witnessing a great fear around emptiness. And then comes the response which triggers depression or influences the depression one might have been struggling with already. This emptiness can be one’s greatest strength or one’s greatest weakness. It takes enormous fortitude to sit with it patiently and allow for one’s sense of self to be vulnerable to purification, to transformation, to evolution. The process will not be an easy one and the hand of God will be within your reach at all times. Who you thought you were will no longer be. Who you will become may not be known to you at that moment in time and for a while after – that is where that gentle patience is needed. And for some, that is when isolation is needed. Isolation does not have to be a negative thing. For me personally, I refer to it as solitude. Even those words I am mentioning-patience, isolation, solitude; they can all be overwhelming and trigger a crisis response as the desire to escape these heavy emotions is intense. For those I am able to hold space for, I ask them to figure out what makes them safe in the emptiness. Many times it is nothing they have ever known before. Together, we try to find safe haven in that space, a new relationship which helps them feel empowered enough to sit gently with their emotions. Once we have created a new boundary, then we move forward to exploring the depression. In my over twenty two years of practice, I have seen one thing that has been constant. Who a person is before an episode of depression will be different afterwards(as it affects everyone differently) once they hold the emptiness in a different light. Sometimes the depression propels a person into such a swift transformation that it will take time to gather themselves and integrate fully the new awareness of who they have become afterwards. The depression might not linger, but the emptiness may. My continued prayer is that you be kind and patient with yourself, gentle with the person you thought you were, the person you are in this very moment in time, and the person you are on your way to becoming.

Love is a word that can often be misused and misinterpreted when it comes to being in relationship. We enter into relationship to help us understand the duality of our natures, and effectually, to understand more about the human and spiritual condition. We are drawn to various people because of energetic conditioning; and how one’s psyche interprets that conditioning depends upon the human and spiritual needs and lessons at that moment in time. Love seems like a simplistic notion, yet most of us find it challenging to rise about our psychological constraints to love well. After all, loving well is one of the most challenging tasks at hand for many of us. Our interpretations have to work through years of psychological patterning, ancestral miasms, societal, cultural and world paradigms. In loving well, we are faced with a surrender of self to such a degree which triggers our deepest fears around self sacrifice and abandonment. Some of us might equate that with suffering. Establishing safe zones for us to explore in relationship further enhances the notion that in order to love well, we need to relinquish our attachment to ego in order to fulfill an inconceivable destiny. Why inconceivable? The losses incurred as a part of emotional evolution during the process of loving well can seem overpowering and overwhelming, enabling us to place conditions on our partners and ourselves in this dance of relationship. How many of us are afraid to approach the inner work encouraged to explore a love like this? Many of us.

When we define or attach our suffering to love, we have already identified our self worth and the love our partner may have for us within the same paradigm. In this manner, love becomes an internal power struggle between the ego and the higher self, between the heart and the mind, between one’s sense of powerlessness and one’s authentic nature. Our fear will continue to draw in more experiences to help further this notion.

Many of us who do ‘ the work’ also use the work as an escape mechanism. We bargain to keep some sort of control over those parts of us which are yearning to be let go of. We become trapped in our internal chaos trying to find the stillness without the suffering one will go through to love well. Nobody wants to struggle, yet it seems to be an integral part of life. We can learn to allow for the struggle to humble us in such a way that also empowers us with the wisdom and graces of the Divine. If we do, we no longer feel trapped inside of ourselves as the fear of loving is lessened. This is the struggle we go through to receive such a powerful blessing and experience. If only our interpretations and attachments would not render us helpless. That’s not love’s intentions. That is fear.

In loving well, we engage in the present. Many times we circle back to various realities to fulfill an undefined version which only continues to fuel the fear. We will seek to not suffer and spend a great part of our lives working effortlessly to achieve that space. The energy expended only causes us more, and sometimes will involve us further into those dark places where we don’t need to go. All the while, both you and your partner are waiting to give and receive a love that you are both destined for.

Relationships were not meant to be easy. They were meant to challenge our inner realities and paradigms we have created to keep us safe emotionally. In loving well, we most certainly will be stepping out of our comfort zone. But that’s a chance I’m willing to take if it means a life of living and loving well.

Unconditional love sometimes requires boundaries we never even knew we had until we come to that moment when all that we think we know about ourselves disappears into oblivion. Many of us enter into relationship seeking to define our selves and a perceived reality or realities we have created since we birthed into this world. Seeking to define humanity and the Divine within relationship takes courage, sacrifice, patience and surrender. Many have a thought that unconditional love translates into having no boundaries. In my limited experience, the presence of self requires a purification one can only undergo walking through creation in their aloneness. It is within this space, our projections of who we perceive we are and how we perceive our relationships will be quieted. Boundaries are formed many times by reactions and responses to life’s experiences. Those boundaries may indeed be appropriate in that moment, but those reactions and responses become programmed into cellular memory if they have not already arisen from those spaces. For a boundary to grow and emerge without interference from thoughts and emotions, that quiet space, that pause, that pivotal moment for renewed awakening of self creation has to be ignited. And from my experience, that alone time where you come into relationship with yourself is so extremely important. That alone time where you become friends with your inner knowing, with your ego, with your heart, your mind and your spirit. That alone time where you befriend your sense of powerlessness and empowerment. That alone time where you define yourself outside of the constructs you have created, eventually leading to a place where the need to define yourself is not as important as it used to be. And this is because there is a flow of energy between you and God embracing a profound respect for this life you were given. In this space, unconditional love is received as a blessing, and we are each given the opportunity to understand how to share this gift with one another. We are each given the opportunity to understand how to place appropriate boundaries when needed not out of reaction or any other emotion which distracts us from our true nature, but out of Divine Providence. We shift our understanding of relationships from codependency to interdependency, on both the human and spiritual levels. We were taught to continue the illusion of codependency. We were taught to continue the illusion of unworthiness. We were taught to continue the illusion of self sacrifice to the extent that we no longer remember the wholeness and sanctity in which sacrifice has an ENTIRELY different meaning. We were born to create interdependent relationships here on earth as are the relationships created in the heavens. I have a thought that our boundary systems are so wounded from lifetimes of confusion. There is so much separation from the boundaries of the world we live in today. May we be given the strength to discern sacrifice from both a human and spiritual perspective and create a boundary that will enrich the lives of everyone fostering unconditional love as only God would have it.

Cellular excitement unfolds as thoughts of impending touch between flesh arises from sentient beings.
Neurons flicker with exuberance awaiting energetically for what will manifest physically in any moment. Thoughts and emotions permeate above and beyond self for something so intricate yet simplified in all its glory as a basic human need.
Something humans take for granted at times. Yet powerful enough to change our world, powerful enough to change our human dynamic, powerful enough to heal and to nourish.

Raw and untamed, we enter into this world, this wilderness, birthed from a womb that has carried the stories of many generations. Unfiltered psyche, present in parallel realities as we are ensconced by a knowing of the life to come. We are still in the water, waiting to be born, to be nurtured as much by humanity as we are the Divine, not having any preconceived notions of what that might look like. All we pray for is to be welcomed by this vast wilderness we are entering into, this human conglomeration of emotions, thoughts, experiences, prayers. This wilderness is perplexing. Masculine and feminine energies abound compelling us to mold into a form governed by what humans think they should be. This wilderness has an evolution all its own. One many times we are not ready to embrace. One many times we are not willing to accept. Our vulnerabilities are channeled through the forms which are presented us. What do we know coming from innocence? We are vulnerable in our fears. We are vulnerable in our anger. We are vulnerable in our capacity to love. We are vulnerable in our capacity to hate. Our innocence frightened away by our emotional projections, Yet, how can we not project? The iniquities of this world challenge us to the bone. We separate ourselves in this wilderness; any identity we need to feel safe, innocent, whole. The wilderness is meant to inspire us to feel, to live, to lose our sense of selves so that we may become greater than we ever thought we could be. This wilderness compels us to feel lost, to grieve so deeply that our bones ache with each step we take. And with every step, we cradle ourselves unto the earth for solace, for healing. This wilderness compels us to feel our rage, one in which many of us do not know how to channel correctly. One in which we utilize to destroy one another and hurt the very earth which carries us. Naked, in our aloneness, this wilderness does not want us to suffer. We feel stalked by a darkness we cannot comprehend. Yet, if we turned around to see exactly what might be stalking us, we’ll be staring at a mirror image of ourselves. The sacredness of this wilderness can balance that darkness without any interference from humanity, from our projections onto one another. Naked and alive, wild and free, the resilience and innocence we were borne with can indeed be remembered. They can be remembered as easily as the many tears we have shed for our wounds. We possess the courage, the innate fire of the Divine, to explore our emptiness in this vast paradigm. We possess the strength to go beyond the identity we were born with or have created for ourselves. We possess the worthiness as children of this God- blessed natural world to honor our grief, our rage, and any other emotion which limits us, which armors us, from loving one another unconditionally. Emerging from the water, unto this rare earth, with its stories and paths of generations before us. Their emotions, their thoughts, still present when we lay our armor to the ground. Their spirits, still weaving an intricate web to amend past grievances and future ones to come. That untamed fire, that innocence, the loss of self, all culminating in an intense desire to be free from all preconceived notions of who we think we are, and how we live our lives. Wild, free, innocent, beautiful children of God. Bless you. Return to innocence and be free.

I remember 21 years ago having walked into my chiropractor’s office to find a very elderly woman lying prone on one of the tables waiting to receive an adjustment. My chiropractor asked if I would work a little with her. Not knowing why, I approached the frail woman, with deep brown sunken eyes that still had sparkle, and asked her her name. Back then I did a lot of various hands on therapies along with my medical intuition work – I actually loved palpating the myriad of frequencies the body had to offer. It allowed me to fine tune my skills in sensing cell, tissue, and organ imbalance as well as various ailments within the body. By the many rhythms, I was able to learn much about the stories the body would offer; the ones very often the client would forget and the ones the client didn’t even consciously know about. I recall her sharing with me that she had headaches for years, ones that caused her to suffer greatly, and she couldn’t find a way to control them. I put my hands on her frontal lobe to grasp a sense of what was happening and was taken aback quite shockingly at the story her body wanted to share. I took a deep breath and pulled myself closer to her and began to see the story of her time in the concentration camp during World War II. I asked her if she had any recollection of her childhood, and she made a small remark about being in a concentration camp and not remembering much. It was clear she had no interest in speaking about it, so I kept my hands on her and let her body show me the story while it helped me to track it throughout her body systems. I saw the sexual trauma and the trauma of others she held in her body. I saw her torment for those family members she lost. I saw some of the friends she kept close. I saw the nightmares, the screaming….many other things which I chose myself to forget after her cellular memory gave me a first hand account. I tracked those stories through her body, actually forgetting that I was still in my chiropractor’s office awaiting my adjustment. I tracked her story through her eating disorder when she was a young adult. I tracked it through the stories she held onto of other survivors and victims still held in her tissues. I was 27 years old at the time. I had actually visited Dachau when I was 19 years old in Germany. But nothing could have prepared me for the collective story her body was sharing with me. I had already been working with clients for a few years by that time, but this was my first experience of cellular memory to the degree in which I was experiencing it, based on a collective trauma, not just individuated.

I’m not a scientist by any means, but it is understood that nerve impulses carry messages between cells. It is also believed they are encoded within our ancestral patterning, the field of epigenetics. Our bodies are amazing vessels which house thousands of frequencies belonging to thoughts, emotions, experiences, ancestral histories, even the foods we eat. We also carry those stories of other souls we connect with, as their learning facilitates our learning and vice versa. Cellular memory influences our lives on a daily basis more than we could ever imagine, thus ancestral patterns and collective patterns influence our very experiences. When clients speak about ‘cutting chords’ or breaking the pattern caused by cellular memory, I tend to see things differently. I would rather make space for the memory to do what it needs to do, to serve us individually or collectively in the way that it needs to serve. There is a part of that memory, even if a traumatic one, which is Divine, just as within every darkness, one will find light. A chord doesn’t need to be cut. When given the appropriate respect and understanding for why it is there, it will be raised to the light by Divine Will, thus helping to bring healing to any imbalance created within the cellular memory. And when space is created within a cell, more stories will come forward, more memories, cognizant or not, of times past. The body knows.

I stayed with that woman for almost an hour. I can’t even recall if I received my adjustment or not. I do remember that the one thing she kept asking me in addition to helping her with her headaches was to help her find true love. That at her age, she had never experienced it. I looked up as a hand from the spirit world touched my shoulder. I knew the woman would cross soon and that she would be granted a far greater love than she could have ever hoped for. I placed my hand on her heart and told her wish would be granted soon. And with that, her cells heard me. Her tissues heard me. Her organs heard me. Her headache dissolved. Her body, and all the stories and souls connected with it, were being granted a mercy far greater than I had ever witnessed.

Yes everyone. We are in a holding pattern. I wish I could say the same for the spirit world. The ancestors have been working on behalf of us here and those who need to evolve beyond the veil. The chatter I hear every day of prayers being heard and answered, destinies, paths being shifted, choices being made, and lives being altered. It is enough to make anyone question free will and Divine will. Questioning won’t get me anywhere, albeit I have found many a time that I throw my hands up in the air and with my New York accent say, “really?” Those in the lower dimensions of the spirit world can get as flummoxed as we do here. In holding space for our evolutionary growth and the free will that we have to some extent, they navigate our intentions in the ways that serve us best and then let those intentions go to souls in higher dimensions to influence the higher purpose surrounding us. Whether we realize this or not. our choices, our paths, are directly influencing those on the other side. Some are calling this evolutionary growth the next step in the Ascension process. Different traditions are perceiving what is happening similarly but ascribing various terms to the process. This is not the first time these bursts of energy have culminated in mass shifting on the earth, but perhaps the first time in your lifetime where you have felt it so intensely. And the word intensely still doesn’t do justice to the stories I am hearing from clients, friends, even spirits. The words that I find coming across my own lips have been the same. Wait, just wait. I receive so many emails from clients wanting to know what is going on with them. From strange physical symptoms to serious ailments, huge life changes when it comes to relationships and familial dynamics, complete life shifts. Both on a personal level and collective level. And it is not going to stop anytime soon. Everyone’s minds are rushing. I am not even speaking about their physical bodies. The rush is compelled by the desire to know, to analyze, to create, to fix, to heal, to forget, to remember, to stay, to go…etc. There is no stillness. To wait is different than having patience. When one has patience, there is usually an objective in mind, a goal. When one waits in the stillness, they remain in the unknown. This rushing of mind is compounding many of the emotional, physical and psychological symptoms we are experiencing at this time. Anxiety and depression are rampant, memory loss, the feeling of being spaced out, loss of interest in hobbies and friendships, confusion, headaches, weight fluctuations, joint pains; the list can go on. Indeed, address what is coming your way, but please dear hearts. Wait. In your minds, in your bodies, in your lives. Time is speeding up but your minds need to slow down to ACCOMMODATE the shifting. You are not in this Wait alone. We are all there waiting with you. So gather your tribe, take the necessary precautions to take care of yourself and those you love, and wait in stillness until the road ahead becomes clear once again.