I have witnessed such a surge of depression amidst my clients this week. People reaching out feeling lost, overwhelmed, exhausted and weary to the bone. Isolated as a response or coping mechanism, yet feeling the intensity of being alone. A spiral of emotions, so fearful that the depression will completely annihilate them body and soul. . It’s easy for someone on the outside to say they understand, but to the person experiencing it, it is a solitary path. I sit with clients in the energy of the depression, and do my best to hold space. This is some of what I have learned. And in bearing witness, I hope some of my words have brought solace.
Depression for every individual is different, simply because they walk that road internally alone. Many can identify an emptiness along this path. The emptiness in and of itself becomes overpowering, so much so that some cannot feel the hand of God beside them or the love of God within them. How could they? This is what many mystics referred to as the Dark Night of the Soul. Within that emptiness, one’s sense of self has no boundary, no way of defining a structure which keeps one psychologically and emotionally safe. Most of the boundary system unwinds to such a degree that confusion arises to every emotion experienced. Every thought and action is questioned and every life experience is called into realization for its authenticity. Emptiness has a profound impact on the person experiencing it. When depression ensues as a response to that emptiness, many people become trapped in their emotional bodies and are at a loss as to how to separate the two. Emptiness and depression are different. The two can exist together but when identified together, it takes depression to a whole different level and that is what I am witnessing this week. I am also witnessing a great fear around emptiness. And then comes the response which triggers depression or influences the depression one might have been struggling with already. This emptiness can be one’s greatest strength or one’s greatest weakness. It takes enormous fortitude to sit with it patiently and allow for one’s sense of self to be vulnerable to purification, to transformation, to evolution. The process will not be an easy one and the hand of God will be within your reach at all times. Who you thought you were will no longer be. Who you will become may not be known to you at that moment in time and for a while after – that is where that gentle patience is needed. And for some, that is when isolation is needed. Isolation does not have to be a negative thing. For me personally, I refer to it as solitude. Even those words I am mentioning-patience, isolation, solitude; they can all be overwhelming and trigger a crisis response as the desire to escape these heavy emotions is intense. For those I am able to hold space for, I ask them to figure out what makes them safe in the emptiness. Many times it is nothing they have ever known before. Together, we try to find safe haven in that space, a new relationship which helps them feel empowered enough to sit gently with their emotions. Once we have created a new boundary, then we move forward to exploring the depression. In my over twenty two years of practice, I have seen one thing that has been constant. Who a person is before an episode of depression will be different afterwards(as it affects everyone differently) once they hold the emptiness in a different light. Sometimes the depression propels a person into such a swift transformation that it will take time to gather themselves and integrate fully the new awareness of who they have become afterwards. The depression might not linger, but the emptiness may. My continued prayer is that you be kind and patient with yourself, gentle with the person you thought you were, the person you are in this very moment in time, and the person you are on your way to becoming.