It’s hard in a partnership to not want to analyze or judge the other person’s experiences, thoughts, emotions or intentions.

It’s hard to identify your own inner process when we are too busy interfering in theirs.

I’ve seen this happen far too often.

A partner on a spiritual path or some kind of conscious inner work, yearning for their partner to bear witness to the changes they are going through. To bear witness to the transformation and evolution that has been a challenge in the making. I used to tell clients they cannot expect their partner to begin to understand the new person being birthed in front of them, especially when patterns in the relationship were years in the making.The desire for the transformation to be seen, heard, felt and witnessed may not always be met by those closest to us. That disappointment can leave us feeling empty, angry and alone. I remember when some partners in haste thought of leaving the relationship because expectations were met with emotional abondonment.

We have a tendency to judge the time frame in which a person heals, the amount of inner work they have done on themselves, and subsequently, blame may follow for not relating to the new person we have become and the ways in which our patterns have changed. We feel powerless as we look at our narratives so differently and we want our loved ones to rise to the occasion in the ways that serve us, not the ways that serve them or are safest for them. Think about that for a moment. They need to feel safe too. It’s not just about us.

Relationship becomes a power struggle when one or both people are healing. There’s this rush to heal and work through issues to mitigate the pain and uncomfortability. We think it is up to the other to connect to our new core, to the new ways in which we see things, as opposed to bearing witness to the ways in which they see things. Remember, once you have changed, your experience of your partner will change. If you allow for space, you will begin to see that their process might look a little differently than it did before.If one reality in a partnership shifts, so does the other but it can’t shift to our will and expectations.

So you take a step back, embody patience and compassion, and allow for change to be a choice for your partner, not a requirement.