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Spiritwalker The Beginning

Read an excerpt on my blog. Now available for order in both print and digital editions.

Preface
Many believe there is a world happening around us that we simply cannot see. It can feel like your existence is such a minute detail in the greater cosmos, interconnected to every living thing in creation. Parallel realities? Astral travel?
The astral plane in ancient traditions was an intermediate world between Heaven and Earth. It was comprised of various dimensions, spirits, and the like. In religious traditions, these dimensions were called by different names, depending on the state of the soul. In Christianity, Paul’s Second Epistle to the Corinthians mentions astral travel or an alternate reality. “I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven – whether in the body or out of the body I do not know. God knows.” Most people have the ability to leave their bodies and travel the astral plane without even knowing. However, there is a group of individuals who do this consciously.
Cultures referred to them as Spiritwalkers, beings who can transcend time and space and interact with the spirit world and unconscious states of humanity. They have influence through privilege in the world of spirits as well as in this world. Spiritwalkers are said to be intermediaries or “empaths” for the seen and unseen. They can enter into alternate realities to gather information and healing medicine to impart upon the wounded soul or living creature. They work in many alternate realities at once to effect change. It can be challenging to distinguish a dream or a vision from another existence as the Spiritwalker embodies that other existence in totality through empathic means. Physical manifestations, emotional consequences, spiritual knowledge, they all become an integral aspect of the Spiritwalker’s life at any given moment in time.
That moment in time may be lifetimes. The Spiritwalker might be eating breakfast at the same moment she is acting as a psychopomp and crossing a spirit who just appeared in front of her over to another world. Also in that moment, she may be having a vision of what will happen in her life the next day, a week from now, or years to come. She is exhausted yet euphoric at the intense energetic matrix she is a part of. Deciding which moment, or lifetime, to focus on, and what is needed to work through them all needs to be initiated while she is sitting at the table with her breakfast getting cold.
She might be acting as a telepath, communicating for someone who is laying unconscious, maybe even dying, and passing along those messages to their loved ones. At the same time, she is helping this soul begin the transition, acting as a medium to the other spirits in the room that are waiting for this to happen. She watches her own body as it begins to manifest symptoms of the dying person. While this is unfolding, sweat pours down her face as she gets glimpses of her own dying process in her past that has similar threads to the person she is helping. As she assists, by the kindness of the spirit world, the trauma her own body has suffered is being released.
She is present in every moment of every reality that she can possibly be, held up by some force or energy that is unexplainable at best. She comes across beings and elementals of all kingdoms. Speaking to spirits becomes a vast paradigm. Once she connects to one spirit, if granted those privileges, she has access to communicating with those spirits of every living thing, from humans to animals to the natural world. She is propelled into a world of good and evil and learns to distinguish by necessity the difference between human will and divine. A boundary system is learned that most people cannot comprehend or relate to as learning to live separately from others becomes key to her survival many times. As she assists in the healing of others and nature, similar threads will continue to pass through her. There is no time continuum when living the life of a Spiritwalker. The past, the present, and the future is an open door, continuously occurring until there is a shift.
Repetition in the spirit world and in the life of a Spiritwalker is normal. A vision, a message, or experience might need to happen many times, until the lesson is learned. Also, there might be myriad perspectives within that lesson. Prophets in various traditions will be seen telling the same story over and over. They have their reasons.
Since so much happens for the Spiritwalker in each moment, she must learn to detach. The reactions and responses to things that would incite an ordinary person would not affect her in the same way. It cannot, or she would lose ground. The beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. With that, I invite to you become a part of a Spiritwalker’s journey.

FEAR
It is nearly past sunset as Mariella sits in the silence of her living room. Her body trembles with fear, her mind races with escalating thoughts of impending doom, her hands clenching the elegant wooden Buddha statue given to her so long ago. Visions pass through her eyes of a parallel reality. She observes her shallow breaths as she cowers toward the golden-hued carpet, her hands in a prayerful state as she drops the Buddha statue and begins to pray.
“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.” She repeats this phrase until it echoes throughout the room. That cold, still feeling that both entrances and encumbers Mariella when the spirits take over her world is unrelenting.
Those who have crossed from this world into the next, whether they belong to the human, animal, or plant kingdom, whether they are fairies, divas, angels, demons, those who have died recently, or those who have died long ago, they all clamor for her attention. They have since she was a child—a gift and a curse passed down through her family.
Not only do they vie to speak to her and through her, they long to be near her to communicate and help those who are still living. They come to protect her tenfold, and many times they come to do her harm. Many spirits who live in the light take joy in Mariella’s presence and because of that many who live in the darkness try to prevent her from doing the work she was born to do.
As she sits on the floor still enveloped in the Hail Mary, she is reminded of her gifts and burden. Her body writhes with pain as she focuses not only in this world but also in the other and asks for a vision to clarify what is befalling her.
The chill in the air becomes stifling, the lights flicker, and Mariella’s vision blurs as she waits for an apparition or a voice. She hears the empty footsteps in the air around her, the stalking energy becomes apparent, and the death-like breath from the spirit world begins to break through the ethers.
Just a few minutes feels like hours.
Unbeknownst to her, she begins to tremble more. She grasps her ears as the screeches from the outer worlds enter her world, screeches unheard by most humans. They writhe enough to frighten even the most ignorant of souls, and the gentlest of animals. Her diaphragm tightens as she gasps for air. She loses control of her thoughts, the terror taking hold as she realizes she is about to be attacked by a demon.
She has encountered thousands of them throughout her lifetime. In varying forms and intensities, they come when Mariella assumes she is always protected. Some are so strong their powers reach far into this world, once causing a traumatic car accident that almost took her life some years ago, and many times wreaking havoc in her relationships. They had caused mysterious illnesses that doctors could never find the origins of, and in some cases, the cures. The screeches grow louder as these voices begin to swirl through her mind.
She recalls the lineage of psychic powers that has passed from great-grandmother down. She pictures their instructions on protection when a demon of this nature draws near. She wants to know why she is being attacked but asking the demon will only strengthen it. Instead she waits, letting the attack work through her. The visions come and go as she monitors her breath and works effortlessly to breathe a little more deeply.
The demon doesn’t have a name. Its scathing darkness is germinating into a form large enough to hinder her from seeing the very room she is stuck in. The veil between the worlds is so transparent that her living room no longer looks the same. It appears ice cold, and Mariella’s extremities mirror that coldness down to her bones. At this point the demon is so close Mariella loses sight of which world she is in. Is she still protected?
The demon enters her mind. She shudders, trying to understand why he is there because any move she makes or precalculates is already known by her enemy.
She recognizes him, the same one she had fought a thousand times over. She is surprised that those who protect her have allowed him to threaten her again.
What is the reason? Has Mariella broken any of the spiritual cardinal rules? Did she cross any boundaries in the spirit world she wasn’t supposed to? She doesn’t care about the answer. She just wants the tormenting to stop.
The demon meanders through her mind’s eye, the stench of his invisible form permeating Mariella’s home. The rage of this demon is unstoppable. She continues praying, all the while hearing the voices cursing her. She knows she is getting stronger.
This demon’s fury is incomparable to anything she can recall. His previous forms in this lifetime and in others were not as vile. His insidious snarls threaten to destroy any hope of salvation. She waits for this to end as it has so many times before. His form changes before her eyes, his breath caressing her neck. He wants to devour her.
The screeches begin to dissipate, then a silence, a deadening silence. Slowly but surely her heartbeat slows down. Her breath lightens. The abhorrent stench slowly begins to transform to the scent of roses. She lets out a deep sigh and raises her head gently to see angels, fairies, and the good spirits as a shield. These spirits are very familiar to her. The demonic form is gone; the voices leave her head, and she once again feels safe.
The angels are slight in form and color, the animal spirits embracing, the fairies effervescent, and some of Mariella’s guides from Native Americans to indigenous healers and shamans of the world’s cultures are abound. Whenever she is attacked like this, many come, and they always will. Glancing around her living room, she recognizes that she is unscathed.
She only has one thought about the demon, that it returned with a vengeance to take away the good she had created in her life. If she can figure out a way to rise above its nature, the curse will be broken.

It feels like such a long time since I have seen Cindy and the baby. I almost want to call him by name as we talked about names when she came for her session today. She walked in and handed me her phone to listen to the recording of the baby’s heartbeat. All sounded perfect. All was perfect. I could feel it through the heartbeat.

Cindy sat on the floor next to me and the first thing I wanted to discuss was the negative spirits I had seen around her when she accompanied her mother to a session with me. I did not get to work with Cindy directly, but the moment she walked in with her mother  I got a splitting headache. I had seen the kind of spirits around her and knew she had an argument with her mother. I touched on that today and asked her if she and her mother exchanged words right before her mother’s recent visit with me. They had. The reason I was bringing this up today is because ancestral spirits are passed down from one generation to the next. Some of the ones between Cindy and her mother are heightened when they get into power struggles. Then Cindy usually ends up not feeling well. When she came in today, those same spirits were still around her and she let me know she had just finished speaking with her mother and got upset with her over something they were discussing. The baby was fine but I let Cindy know that she needed to work on true forgiveness when it came to their relationship so that the anger and those spirits were not passed onto the child. We spent a lot of time talking about that today, while I was tracking the little guy to see how he was doing.

I tuned into him…(tracking)…”The doctor must be very happy. He is growing perfectly. Good weight, lots of space, he should be moving by now..you should be feeling him. He is fine for a vaginal birth. I still don’t see a C-section is needed at this point in time. I have to ask..who ate junk food recently?” Cindy looked at me and surprisingly said no one. The lil guy pretty much shouted to me that one of them had french fries and that he really liked them so I turned to Cindy and asked. Her mouth hung open as she gasped that her and her husband had went to a diner a few days ago and she had fries and hadn’t had them in a long while! (Tracking)…”He liked them. He is definitely a food lover. He also likes and wants shrimp for some reason. And chocolate chip cookies. Not sure why he is wanting all these foods right now. Really wants those cookies.  He also is telling me that someone was looking at boats and water again and that made him happy. He is a very happy baby.”

Cindy laughed. She said her mom had just asked her if she could eat shellfish for Christmas and the baby must have heard it because he really likes his new grandma. Her husband also mentioned something recently about wanting chocolate chip cookies…so the baby really seems to take after Daddy when it comes to his tummy! Mommy is hoping that he will like more of her healthier fruits and vegetables. I told her at this point no! He seems to be taking after Daddy in many regards. That could change after coming out of the womb but we will see! Cindy also mentioned that the night before she was watching old war movies with boats and water! How funny!

Cindy continues to follow my protocol. Her cold and allergies have gotten somewhat better from the various forms of Vitamin C  I put her on as well as topical castor oil packs. Her hiatal hernia is better too. Since Mommy is better, baby is better. We also talked about the positioning best for her to give birth and with her wide hips and pelvic structure, squatting while standing is preferable. It is what most women did in the fields and throughout time. More natural for the body.

Lastly, Cindy had a list of names for the baby and she wanted me to ask the lil’ guy which he preferred. No one has ever asked me to do that before. She went down the list and some of them he didn’t even want to hear. There were two he really liked, and one was just ok…I am hoping Mommy and Daddy pick one of the ones he really liked!!!!!

Feels like forever since I have seen Cindy and the lil’ guy! Good to see them walking through the door. Cindy came in and was a little out of her body; something I am not used to seeing with her. There was an elderly female spirit to her right and I did not recognize her. The light surrounding her was extraordinary, and so I waited to see what would unfold. Cindy was very anxious and this was something I was actually accustomed to. Cindy had been following the protocol I put her on as she felt her allergies getting worse and what seemed to be the start of bronchitis. The few remedies she was on seemed to help her greatly and when she is ok, baby is ok. Upon sitting down, I remarked that the baby is doing very well. His hydration was remarkable actually and  that he was starting to develop and make a relationship with his five senses.

Tracking..” The baby is starting to move even though you can’t feel it yet. You are better than when I last saw you so he is better. Tuning into you..you have been a little loopy lately from what I am seeing around you. Also, the itching has subsided a bit since your hydration level is increased and your body is getting used to the flux of hormones.” Cindy concurred with what I was sharing. “Baby is telling me that mommy is talking a lot, a real lot. He is craving beta-carotene..interesting…he wants berries.” Cindy looked at me surprised because she was craving carrots so badly that she just had eaten a bunch and was also craving blueberries and was trying to figure out something with berries she could make. “I could see your new home behind you and it looks finished so I am gathering my suggestion about taking things slowly so you do not get stressed is out the window!” We both laughed. Then Cindy shared that she and her husband were meeting with the contractors soon to start the work on the house. I checked in with the lil’ guy and he was alright as long as mommy was alright.

“The lil’ guy wants you to know he likes water and boats..he just keeps showing me water and boats…he also loves colors- vivid colors. He is starting to make a connection with the foods he likes, colors in his brain, smells, feelings, touch. Even if some of this is on a psychic level, he is learning. He is a smart baby. And the food, what an Italian. Pasta, meatsauce, just like your husband! Also, on a different note, your relationship with your mother will heal because your mother and the baby will have a strong connection. He already likes her. And this woman spirit near you..she is helping to heal your relationship. Your mother will be guided. I also have to tell you..this baby will love Christmas..love the tree, the lights, the train that you will put underneath..a big Christmas celebration..he wants you to know now..”

Cindy laughed. First at the Christmas stuff. Her husband is the big holiday person in their home and he cannot wait to decorate the new house and wants to do it the day after Thanksgiving. He has loved Christmas since he was a little boy and his son will take after him. Cindy was happy to hear that the lil’ guy  likes water and boats. She had been planning on doing an ocean theme for his room and she is the lover of water in the family. She was wondering if the baby would share any personality traits with her! As for the colors, she said her husband was the artist in the family which I never knew. She also confirmed surprisingly that her relationship with her mother had already started to shift. She wasn’t sure how to process that. She has tried for years to no avail but she thinks the baby in some way is teaching her mom to respect her more. Cindy is shifting too. That is one of the reasons she is so out of her body. Those negative spirits that I saw in the beginning are nowhere to be found at this point, and the lil’ guy is coming along splendidly. I am not worried at this point about his development nor are his doctors from what I was told! That is great news!

Cindy has been talking to her baby on a daily basis. She has really worked hard on making a relationship with him and that is one of the reasons he is thriving. Her husband is also connecting with him. After talking with the lil’ guy myself, I gently pulled out of his energy field and let him know I will look forward to seeing him again.

 

To see beyond the scope of the self and raise one’s awareness of the Godhead within is a feat that all humans undertake. The endurance needed to pursue what we perceive as the worthiness of being a child of God is mandatory. It becomes so not because we are indeed unworthy as children of light, but because we confuse our human worthiness with our sense of spiritual unworthiness, and that tends to bring about much pain and despair.
All of us work through our psycho-spiritual growth from the time we are in the womb. We energetically prepare and immerse ourselves in the concept that we are born into eternal life as connected to the mother. We become engrossed with the possibilities that this divine connection has no boundaries. We become nourished by the perception that we will grow in the unconditional love and presence that we feel as we are protected in this space. On a psycho-spiritual level within the womb, there is an inherent understanding of the light and the darkness but no emotional or experience-perceived understanding. As the boundaries begin to become clearer as we mature inside the womb, we begin to create perceptions based on those boundaries that, in our eyes, separate our human natures from our spiritual natures. What we perceive as the loss of innocence, the loss of ‘pure light’ into the polarity of both extremes, begins to become interpreted at some level as human and spiritual unworthiness. And thus begins our quest to find our way back home to God and to unconditional love and surrender. At the human level, we incorporate this unworthiness into aspects of ourselves as we enter this world. The separation from the womb enables us to live a life where we learn the graces of God as we live from day to day through our experiences of giving, receiving, loving and forgiving. Through trial and error, pain and suffering, joy and happiness, we are given the strength to persevere in the way that we are called to. Not everyone follows that calling though. We learn to embrace all aspects of the psyche with the understanding, conscious or not, that we are human beings whose soul intention is to love and be loved. In our never ending search for this ‘feeling’, we tend to miss the boat and continue the search externally. The unworthiness that many of us feel without knowing it becomes embedded in the psyche only as a deterrent. This deterrent is actually the bridge to the netherworld, our greatest teacher, and the greatest influence we can possibly hope for in achieving the worthiness both human and spiritual that is inherent within each one of us. If we can give permission and acknowledge that unworthiness to be present without shame and with forgiveness, then we can begin to heal the wounds that surround us being worthy as human beings.
We cannot just do the work of being worthy as spiritual beings without embracing the human level. As we begin to embrace the possibilities of being true human beings, we will cease to confuse and separate our notion that being human and divine are different and that we can only be worthy in one realm.
In order to even begin to bring ourselves to the awareness of spiritual worthiness, we have to give ourselves permission to stand before God and be humbled. Perhaps as both human and spiritual children. This humility is not an act of doing, but an act of being. The worthiness that comes through the heavens into our beings is a heavenly gift and a kindness of mercy that we are given as children of God. It is given not because of who or what we perceive we are, nor even for the ways in which we live our lives. In truth, whether we live our lives in the darkness or in the light, we are each given the same degree of worthiness by God. It is what we choose to do with that grace that shapes our inner and outer relationships with the Divine. On the human level, because we have attached a sense of worthiness and unworthiness to who we are and how we live in the world, we are forgetting a very important thing. God is merciful in His or Her kindness.
If our divine and human natures weren’t created to learn forgiveness, then we wouldn’t be made manifest in the image and likeness of the Creator.
Thus, in your lives, remember one thing: spiritual and human worthiness is not bound by God, but bound by your confusion as you make interpretations of who you think you are and who God is for you. What a heavy burden to carry. We cannot aspire to be worthy as spiritual beings without aspirations of being worthy as human beings. The two cannot be separated, nor in truth, can the feelings of despair that come up when we confuse the two, nor the feelings of joy and hope that arise when we embrace them.

Cindy’s baby is a boy! Mommie and Daddy found out last night and emailed the good news this morning. She also shared that her latest doctor’s appointment went very well. Lil’ guy is strong and growing with a healthy heartbeat. Amen!

We are not bound and tethered by people’s perceptions of us. We are only bound when we internalize those perceptions and make them realities. Living out of those realities can make us suffer more than we need to. Do we have the courage to see differently? And if those perceptions are indeed true, do we have the capacity to understand that we can shift those realities with one conscious choice? I like to think so.

Cindy is now at 14 weeks today. She walked into my home with an aura of baby energy; exuding a flowing water element. She had another ultrasound picture with her, of the growing lil’ guy inside. Her visit with the neonatal specialist went perfectly. The baby is growing as he should be. I mirrored what the specialist had said upon looking at the picture. The amniotic sac looked good and his developing cranial bones looked proportionately correct from the picture. Just beautiful. I wanted to check in with Cindy first to see how she was feeling before talking with the lil’ guy.

The last few appointments, her breathing had become more labored and her allergies were really flaring up. I saw that they had not gotten better and also saw some hot flashes that she started having. I asked her if she had trouble sleeping lately and had any nausea. She said yes. I had mentioned to her a while back that early on her back and feet would hurt because that is where she will carry the most water  she is beginning to notice that already. The spirits were also sharing with me that she was losing her patience with people around her and becoming ill-tempered. As I was sharing that piece, I waved my hand behind me to push away the witch like spirits that attach to Cindy when she shifts her personality. A learned familial trait when the feeling of overwhelm crosses a spiritual boundary. I quietly let those spirits know that there was still no place for them as Cindy and the lil’  guy were really holding their own; they didn’t need their negative support. Important to add in…Cindy had been wanting me to see her mother for years to help her through her issues. Her mother had finally agreed to see me last week and my work with her is upsetting the routine of the negative spirits that have interfered with the family for years. This is a good thing. With a new child coming into the world, spirits like that become frightened that they will lose power. The timing for Cindy’s mom having a session with me is not a coincidence. This will help to make the baby stronger as well.

Time to talk to the lil’ guy..I looked at Cindy. “Does your husband want to eat baby back ribs? He is wanting some baby back ribs..that is what he is telling me and that is kind of funny.” Cindy gasped. She said it wasn’t her husband but she that wanted them. She went food shopping over the weekend and saw the ribs in the meat department and craved them which is not usual for her. She knew she should have bought them but didn’t.

(Tracking) ” He is bigger and stronger and he likes the liver you have been feeding him. Stay with that. Also he is saying that you are not sleeping well and tossing and turning and there is one side that you sleep on which is really uncomfortable for him.” Cindy concurred that she hasn’t been sleeping lately and is indeed trying to find a comfortable position at night. “He has really grown and at this point, it is interesting that I feel he is breathing better and your breathing had gotten worse. He keeps telling me about a dumb movie you watched.. what did you watch recently because he didn’t like it?” She turned to me laughing saying she had been asking the lil’ guy what kinds of movies he likes to watch because all she likes to watch are dumb movies and she did watch one last night. I said I would ask him. “Wait a moment…..this is strange..I am asking if he likes fairy tales or things that I would think a little guy would like and I could see him dressed in a WWI or WWII uniform. He is letting me know he likes war movies. Not current ones if that makes sense but ones from way back.”

“You mean like historical ones?” she asked. “Yes,” I said.

Cindy laughed again. She said that her husband is such a history buff and was reading Kissinger the other night and watching a history documentary as well. Obviously on that note, he will be taking after his daddy. The lil’ guy was letting me clearly know that he really enjoyed history and because I also saw him in an old military uniform psychically, I have a strong feeling that a recent past life of his was in a major world war. I continued my tracking. The baby was tired as mommy and daddy have been doing a lot of thinking over a new home. I cautioned Cindy that any stress on the baby, especially mental, would dehydrate the both of them and they have come far in these 14 weeks. He is stronger, his organs are developing well. His personality is forming. I didn’t think it was a good idea for Cindy and her husband to add any undue stress at this time in any of their lives. I hope she thinks about what I shared.

I still am grateful about the timing of her mother coming to see me and how this will help the the baby coming into this world. This will also help to heal Cindy’s relationship with her mother.  I am hoping that these sessions will finally create a boundary against the continued interference of these spirits that come around every so often. I think it will.

Before Cindy left, I did some cranial work with her. I adjusted the baby so he would have more room. I also manipulated her spine and diaphragm so that she could breathe better. He really likes me..Can’t wait to meet him. And Cindy and I will laugh if he is really a she!!

Loneliness is a big misunderstanding. God and the spirit world seem to have it in proper perspective; but it is amazing what we human beings do with that emotion. Whether we project, internalize, create a whole experience out of that space, we might want to take a step back and breathe. I often wonder whether it is loneliness we are afraid of or the actual fear we have of owning it.

Our ancestors routinely used the healing power of nature. From plants, to animals, to rocks, to water; from the heavens to the earth, the way of living was in balance with the earth and her gifts to us. The way of honoring these gifts was to respect and call upon the spirits of nature, the elementals of the natural world that connected us to the Creator of all. It is through this sacred relationship that they were able to create harmony and reciprocity as interconnected beings of nature.