On the edge of chaos,
I stood there waiting for you.
The self your dreams are made of.
Unencumbered by your past,
A new beginning to an end that never was.
I never left you.
It is you who left me.
In fear of who you were.
In fear of who I am.
Living on the edge only seeing the abyss,
ensconced within your deepest fears.
Until I grabbed your hand.
But only because you let me.
I knew then that you were ready.
To see the chaos differently.
To see yourself differently.
I paused a moment and then called you by your name.
You answered and set your gaze upon the heavens. My how lovely a name you have.
You smiled and then asked me mine.
“Grace,” I answered.
“You can call me Grace.”
Blog
A Whole New World
A whole new world awaits within you.
The heightened and intensified energies in our world these past few weeks have triggered ancestral miasms and memories to a degree in which I have never seen before in my almost twenty five years of practice. Cellular memories reaching out to me from those here and beyond the veil. Centuries old trauma reawakening in clients, with voices wanting to be heard, voices wanted to be held. voices wanting to be healed. In all honesty. the exhaustion I felt spiritually these past few weeks was like none other. I heard the same from clients, friends, family. The push/pull between realms, crossing dimensions, expanding and contracting boundary systems on every level of humanity, individually and collectively, internally and externally. Many have felt an internal roller coaster and not sure when the ride would end or how it even began. Boundary systems are changing as we move from one reality to the next. The healing of ancestral collective trauma is painful. Thoughts, memories, emotions from ancestors of old manipulated by years of repetitive trauma, misunderstanding, oppression, injustice. And when miasms become triggered so deeply, we begin to questions ourselves, I mean really question ourselves. But our voices are not just our own. They can’t be. They are our grandparents speaking through us, their grandparents speaking through them. They are trauma after trauma, memory after memory of wrongs needing to be held in the light. There is so much shifting in our DNA that it would be impossible to expect us to figure it all out now. There is too much confusion out there. Too much self doubt. Boundaries take time to reconfigure, to expand or contract effortlessly between the light and the darkness, above any beyond any will we might have exercised to a greater will we are awakening to. This reconfiguration is actually causing a lot of physical symptoms for people, especially in these last few weeks. The confusion coupled with rage keeps a boundary rigid when the boundary needs to be given permission to expand into the light of the unknown, into the light of possibility, into the light of forgiveness.
So how can we forgive a wound? How can we forgive a trauma? How can we forgive a paradigm of confusion that has led humanity to think it is okay to hurt one another?
We begin slowly. We take each other by the hand as though each hand belonged to God. We take each memory and ask it to bless upon our hearts the forgiveness that we seek, the forgiveness we need to bestow. We ask those voices to pray with us, pray for us, and to allow us to pray for them. We bless each soul, one at a time, because we know that within each soul lies a myriad of souls, whose lives have weaved a tapestry of humanity that deserves the opportunity to know that the light can indeed, overcome the darkness.
A whole new world awaits within all of us.
Some thoughts on collective violence…
Violence has shaped human consciousness and history since time immemorial.
As an individual and collective force, it has weaved its imprint in societal, cultural, economic, ancestral, psychological and physical threads.
Our relationship to violence, its impact and influence as a whole has embedded itself deeply into our DNA, continuing to create thoughts of separatism and unworthiness even before we enter this world. Violence has become such a powerful miasm in human history that it has become part of the norm. Part of the way in which we live, survive, and for some cultures, thrive.
Yes, thrive. Many societies were built and have thrived on this miasm, when the need for power and attachment to survival became primary incentives for existing.
Systems were created to enforce this miasm, in every facet of humanity and included themes of race, religion, sexual orientation, economic status, thus becoming the backdrop to support a collective violence in which people utilized to survive and maintain power over one another.
I have watched as people become hypnotized by violence. Most certainly a plethora of emotions surface alongside with that.
They become hypnotized over the power one human being can have over another and how the dehumanization of life is so easily accessible to minds and hearts alike.
I am saddened at the thought that violence will always be a part of human evolution. Just as good cannot exist without evil. Its constructs supported by systems that will not weaken unless we change those systems, shift our responses to those systems and create new experiences that will foster different boundaries around violence in the future.
We are not just reacting to the violence we are witnessing today.
We are reacting to the violence we have known for centuries. We are reacting to our reactions surrounding that historical violence that has been programmed within us for centuries.
We all have been victims of violence. Each and every one of us through cellular memory.
When we legitimize violence to accommodate emotional and physical survival, we will fail down that rabbit hole once again.
When we legitimize violence to accommodate our unworthiness, the same thing will happen.
The origins of violence perhaps need to be explored and reevaluated, not just for our own sake, but for the sake of a history which still has not learned about the roles each of us play in perpetuating a miasm as powerful as this one.
The Tear
I sat there crying until I got to know my tears one by one.
Coming out into the world, a world amuck with such disregard for human life, human love, tenderness, understanding, respect.
I could go on and on but then more tears would come and my vessel which carries such raw emotion would want to retreat again.
Back to a time that most likely never existed in our human realm. A time where every tear shed was graced by a profound oneness existing only in dream time amidst angels.
To some people you are the sunshine. To others, the filth beneath your feet scourged by a hatred unencumbered.
I sat there crying until I got to know my tears one by one.
Each one extraordinary as though God picked me a bouquet of flowers from Her garden.
Caressing my cheek as they strolled down with luminescent stories of each lifetime connected to them.
Those were the same tears my mother cried, my grandmother, and her mother before her.
The same tears my father shed, my grandfather, and his father before him.
The same tears my ancestors gently wiped from their weary visages.
The same tears that flowed from your face, your ancestors, your lineage.
My tears were greater in story than they appeared at first. In sitting with them, I got to know myself more deeply than I had ever known before.
More importantly, I got to know you. Each and every one of you.
I began to see you. Oh my, how you radiate with such immense beauty.
Every color of the rainbow, every voice of the ethers.
Every child created in the image and likeness of God.
Every child.
I think I will sit and cry again, so that I am able to hear more stories, stories about you, how precious you are to me, how loved you are despite the darkness which lurks in the shadows of ignorant minds.
I want to feel those tears until every story in creation whispers their name into my ears with a voice so blessed by the heavens.
A voice which hasn’t been heard yet in this realm,
but whose destiny is unfolding as human love is being sparked again by a consciousness that connects every tear ever cried in human history.
Shame in the time of Corona
Shame has its place in our personal and collective histories. It has rooted itself amidst our vulnerabilities, more so today in our culture as most of us have never experienced a time like this before. Primordial communication existed between humans long before words were used. Emotions such as shame were raw in nature, hell bent on wreaking havoc in our roles in familial dynamics and societies, and as it relates to how we see ourselves in this world. Shame is prevalent right now. This pandemic has triggered such a visceral response, none like I have seen before when it comes to this emotion. Whether it is shame of one’s own fear around the pandemic, shame in working through the isolation, shame of contracting the illness, shame of losing one’s job, shame of not being able to pay the bills on time or even put food on the table – an emotion that has separated us from time immemorial is now seeping into the hearts and minds of the collective at such a new level it is creating such a powerful miasm that our ancestors are rolling over in their graves.
Shame lessens our experience of life, our experience of one another, and our experience of ourselves. Our reactions and responses to life become muted in such a way that moving forward becomes a daunting task as we cannot see that forest through the trees. The greater awareness of shame’s purpose is not able to be reconciled within the choices we make, and we continue down that rabbit hole of self deprecation until the shame becomes something familiar, something safe, something that takes away our authenticity and freedom. It’s familiarity becomes a source of comfort in and of itself as we abandon any notion of worthiness, both human and spiritual. When we abandon ourselves due to shame, we reject our true nature and become stuck in that void of separation, unsure of how to find our way back to the light. We then begin that search for power outside of ourselves, seeking a false sense of protection which we think will help us function in this world.
I understand the reasoning behind the surge in this personal and collective emotion. I don’t even ask that we eradicate it. It doesn’t have to be as powerful as we think it is. It can be a tool, a very empowering tool teaching us ways to step outside of that power struggle within ourselves that has established an identity based on an unworthiness so deep that it causes us to act and think in destructive ways. We allow shame to take hold because our own worthiness is too great a risk. Unworthiness is an easier burden to bear.
What is happening to us does not have to create more shame. We are in control of how we emotionally relate to our present circumstances. Our fear, our anger and all the other emotions surfacing as a result of this world crisis are valid emotions and deserve our worthiness so they can be attended to appropriately. Emotional freedom awaits each one of us.
Intimacy in the time of a Global Pandemic
Somewhere in between the ethers and the earth our personal and collective identities become intertwined with the trauma unfolding within and around us.
Having an intimate relationship with ourselves is difficult enough without having to relearn this art with others. Our vulnerabilities become even more compromised, as does our personal space.
Our perceptions of ourselves, the roles we play within our families and societies are responding to an inner and outer crisis where reality is skewed at the moment. Time is out of alignment for most of us, paradigms in which we have operated from emotionally, physically and spiritually no longer carry the same weight as they once did. The illusion is for real. Hard to believe but how we see and value ourselves is changing with each moment that passes and the person we see in front of the mirror may not be as recognizable. As we begin to experience life in new ways, our responses and reactions to those experiences, and to the emotions and thoughts surrounding them will be different. They have to be or you might find yourself struggling more than you did before. How can we understand and appreciate intimacy when we can’t even find our center in the midst of this global crisis? Looking at your children or partners have some wondering, “Who are these people in front of me?” As though it is the first time meeting their acquaintance. What would intimacy even look like? How vulnerable a question.
Our vulnerabilities leave us teetering on the brink of power struggle. Our need for intimacy gets brushed aside as we concern ourselves with protecting the identities that made us who we are today. The thought of being without an identity leaves us empty, wandering the map of our souls in search of something that never really left us. The plethora of emotions that gets triggered projects itself into the many relationships we have formed and will also become internalized. Intimacy becomes scarce as we ravage the universe to fulfill a need that we think will make us whole. All the meanwhile, humanity could not be closer at the moment working through this crisis even though we are feeling so separated from those perceptions of who we thought we were. I am going to repeat that. Humanity could not be closer at the moment working through this crisis even though we are feeling so separated from those projections of who we thought we were.
Intimacy is taking on new meaning. Our need for it is also being redefined in ways we might have never expected. Our vulnerabilities are being challenged but so is our capacity to hold space for each other while evolution molds our identities into something greater than our prior understandings. If we try to capture the definition in the midst of a power struggle, we will not be successful in our endeavors and it will only create more stress within those bonds we hold sacred. The power struggle needs to be silenced for us to appreciate the dynamic unfolding within every person around us. Our needs have to be reevaluated. Our identities have to be abandoned so new ones may enter into the realm of possibility. Intimacy will happen. It already has. You just may not experience it if you keep holding on to the person you thought you were before this pandemic took hold of our world.
I am Essential
I am serving on the front lines now, putting my life at risk to save humanity not from a pandemic, but from the illusion of life itself you carry.
I have been essential throughout history, in all cultures, in all religions, all races, in every life form that exists but you haven’t noticed me until now.
You’ve only noticed me because you fear your life is at risk, but in truth, you have risked your life and the life of this earth for many a thing, most of which you call progress.
Well that progress comes with sacrifice, always has, always will.
Progress.
In the mid 1800’s, thousands of Native Americans were forced from their ancestral lands in what is known as the Trail of Tears to make way for the ‘white’ man.
The Tuskegee Study of African American Males to observe untreated syphilis so that those more fortunate could have the antidote.
The suffragettes.
Rosa Parks.
DDT pesticide use in American History.
Thalidomide.
History books can be filled with the sacrifices we have all made in the name of progress, in wanting more, needing more, in having more.
We have all become essential, or rather expendable.
How much more of humanity are we willing to sacrifice?
I hope it doesn’t take another world crisis for us to notice how valuable human life is or the life of this earth we call home.
Are our needs that great?
My Last Breath, A voice for those about to Cross
I need for you to know I was not alone.
I could barely catch my breath. With every inhalation, memories of you would flood my mind, your smile, your warmth, our lives together. It made me pause, stripped away any fear I had about being isolated, waiting for that breath to fill me until I exhaled with relief. I knew my time was coming. You may not have been there but everyone we know who had already made their way across worlds was by my side. I laughed as I watched souls reach for my hand to comfort me, some I had actually never even met. I knew they had succumbed to the same dire consequences as I did, part of this collective crossing of souls to such a degree that I am beginning to understand its purpose. Family members, friends, strangers, all in spirit form, gathered as I struggled for air and realized there was no way that any of us would ever be left to cross alone. The laughter emanating from these souls makes me forget the loud noises surrounding me from my hospital room, the machines I am hooked up to, the heavy energy and stench of fear that I felt when I was first brought here.
I’m taking my last breath now. I could see the angels parting those around me to reassure me of my ascent.
Oh how blessed I am to be part of this calling, this mass evolution that will help heal humanity in ways I don’t even understand quite yet. Their wings are so effervescent I could hardly contain myself. I’m lifting, I’m lifting. Boy, I wish you could see me fly. I wish you could feel how so untethered I am from everything that weighed me down. I wish you could know how many of us beyond the veil are praying for you all. What’s happening to humanity is not what you think. I wish the angels would explain it to me so you would all suffer less until this has passed. But they won’t. So I can’t.
I’m sorry I left you too soon but if you could only see this other world you would understand why. I am but a whisper away, helping you work through your fear of the unknown now and the plethora of emotions you are still feeling along with everyone else trying to make sense of the world right now. Humanity will be so different. The angels are jumping for joy at what will come. But I do know that a number of us had to cross worlds to prepare the way for you, and I was chosen as one of them. And just so you know, I would do it all over again because that is how much I love you.
Surrender
The lower levels of the spirit world are mirroring what is happening within the human collective right now.
The terror has become greater than the pandemic itself.
I feel like I need to say that again to offer the miasm some space.
The terror has become greater than the pandemic itself.
Please don’t get me wrong. Fear is an appropriate psychological and emotional response to any threat or crisis. I am not going to ask you to replace fear with love. I just won’t do that. I am going to ask you to hold space for both, to allow both possibilities to exist as you compartmentalize and internalize your reactions and responses to what is happening out there.
The fear has now taken on form, an energy form which is just as intrusive upon our boundary systems as is the Corona virus. Even with social distancing, there are enough people in the world where no one has to struggle alone with this, no one. Even helping others through prayer.
We are all working diligently respect social distancing.
So what about enacting psychological, spiritual and emotional distancing from those thoughts and reactions that are furthering you into the abyss?
There are things each of us can do to help ourselves and each other. The act of creation is our birthright.
The act and art of acceptance is also our birthright.
I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I see the darkness even before we got to this place.
If we can create healthier relationships to our desperation, our powerlessness, our terror, we can shift some things here everyone.
As human beings, we do not like to feel powerless. We have a hard time embracing suffering. We want to be in control of everything.
The us vs them paradigm can no longer survive in this new world being created, but we won’t learn that lesson until we each explore our own personal relationships with power and powerlessness. Loss happens. It is happening. It will happen. We are each being faced with the loss of our personal identities, our roles in society and we see others. Amen. What is on the other side of that has the opportunity of being miraculous but that will not change the fact that much loss will occur. And with that, comes an intensity of grief and emptiness we have never allowed ourselves to experience before.
I am with you.
We are all with you.
May we cherish the opportunity to pray collectively for each other through these times.
Amen.
Being In Relationship During This Time
One of the greatest challenges clients are sharing with me this past week is how to be in relationship with their partners at home. Jokes abound regarding the relationship lasting through this pandemic, an inability to foster a new found spirit of communication, intimacy, reciprocity, emotional movement. The intensity and powerlessness of isolation is creating challenges for each person to learn to befriend themselves in a new light, let alone the person they share their lives with. The trepidation of the unknown, the willingness or lack thereof to explore it safely and to hold space for another to do so can be overwhelming. Boundaries are shifting with each moment; physically, emotionally and spiritually. Understanding the human condition at this juncture in time is not something we can wholeheartedly do as the nature of the human condition is rapidly changing.
When we first enter into relationship, we are drawn by many factors , energetic conditioning being on the forefront inclusive of ancestral, emotional and spiritual patterning. How we approach that conditioning will be influenced by the collective as this time in our lives. Most of us in this lifetime have not experienced a collective upheaval in planetary consciousness like this before. This will change our DNA to such levels that even the cellular memories of our ancestors will forever be different. Collective trauma and the way we relate to it will have the opportunity for healing, both in this world, for those who have come before us and for those who will come after us. As I write this, my DNA is shifting as a response to this pandemic and how I looked at relationship yesterday is indeed different than how I am looking at it today. The same will be said for tomorrow. Our experience of love might change, as will how we work within that paradigm, how we communicate within that paradigm, and how we express ourselves. In these last few days people are truly concerned about being at home for such a long period of time with someone who all of a sudden feels like a stranger to them because of their reactions and responses to the pandemic and the fear. We are faced with surrender and compromise to such a degree that we fear the loss of an identity we have known since the time we came into this world. In doing so, we spiral into more fear, grief, anger, loss and a plethora of other emotions that propel us into questioning who we are and who the person is we have committed ourselves to.
In will be important to establish physical, emotional and spiritual ‘safe zones’ within your home, with time allotted to become better acquainted with who you are during this great time of collective fear, hope and transformation. The personal losses incurred during a shift like this can indeed be overwhelming and overpowering. How can you expect your partner to be clear of their relationship to what is happening when you aren’t clear within yourself? The understandable power struggle that is unfolding right now within yourselves can easily be projected onto your partners. The word I am hearing from clients is a feeling of being trapped in the relationship. Love is there, but the everyday interactions of being in relationship have become so challenged that some people don’t know where to turn. Circling back to various realities to respond to challenges might not work in the present. As much as we are all learning to respond to our reactions of physical isolation, we are all learning to respond to our relationship with emotional isolation, emotional exhaustion and having to hold space for others in our lives.
Please be patient with yourselves and with those you love and who love you. We have entered into uncharted territory where the heart and mind are concerned. I expect you to be different when this is ‘over’. I expect your relationships to be different. I expect endings and new beginnings. But we all have the choice to hold on tightly to these old patterns within relationship or head into the abyss with some excitement of the newness to come.