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Let me be with my tears

From centuries past

Of wounded lineages

Whose courage rebirthed itself with each generation.

Let me be with my rage

Whose screams are heard across parallel realities

In the awake of transformation

Arising from the belly of the beast

Calling out to every god and goddess

To save me from myself.

Let me be with my fear

Whose voice trembles at the spark of faith

That same voice dragging me into the abyss

One limb at a time

Until every nuance of who I think I am

Enters the womb of God

Awaiting to be resurrected.

Don’t rush to heal me.

There is a time and a place

Where all seasons of change

Are bound by the Divine

And sanctified by grace.

Plasma, red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets.

Let’s not forget memories and trauma. I think that should be added to its definition.

I still remember walking into an integrative clinic and looking at an IV bottle filled with a patient’s blood as he was receiving a red ozone treatment and being able to tell his ancestral story as well as see what was occurring metabolically. I recall seeing his grandfather in a war, adorned with metals on his jacket. His mother’s hands were worn from working in the garden, he was deficient in various nutrients and some retroviral imprints were floating around.

The fluids of our bodies can tell as much of our story as can our words. As unsafe as many of us feel inside this holy temple created by heaven and earth,

our bodies offer us the safest healing passage within this earthen element provided by the gods.

We can “leave” our bodies as much as we want while we move through this life, triggered by thought, emotion or experience.

But something always pulls us back. The cells of our bodies grasp onto memories and transport them to different realms, our blood provides a boundary so that some of those traumatic thoughts are forgotten by our minds. Our tissues are always looking for ways to protect us from harm.

And yet all they ask for is our attention, our acknowledgment. A prayer of gratitude.

A reservoir of ancestral stories that are alive within you, your body has the capability of transmuting those stories for potent healing medicine.

It also has the capability of sparking a grace so fierce that any trauma you carry can be silenced into the arms of God.

The flow of blood so smooth that one could hear the laughter of their grandparents.

The incredible transparency of cells that one could see the familial trauma.

The aggregate of all the bodily parts that define our form in this lifetime.

We flounder our whole lives trying to figure out what makes us safe in this world.

Escaping the very vessel which tells more of our story than we could ever imagine.

Come back into yourselves.

To the temple which houses a thousand stories.

Your trauma is as worthy as your triumph.

Between the challenges many of us faced last year and with what’s unfolding this year, we have all had to make some heavy decisions that impact and influence our lives and the lives of others.

The toll these decisions are taking on us have altered the ways in which we live, function and identify our roles in society and within our familial dynamic.

Relationships have taken the brunt of these decisions and created rifts leaving many of us to question our identities.

We’ve had to set boundaries like we never have before.

So when did our boundaries change the person we are?

Why are we seeing ourselves so differently?

Why are others?

We’ve been encapsulated in a miasm of survival and trauma since the onset of this pandemic.

Most of us have had to renegotiate our internal survival and communication skills to function on a daily basis.

Some of us have had to actually create those survival skills.

We are still operating from a self and collective induced stress response to current world events.

Boundaries are being created both out of necessity and fear in response to our environment.

Confusion permeates our identities and anxiety collectively is at its peak as many of us scramble to figure out who we are in the midst of this trauma.

The answers you are seeking in terms of your identity are coming out of desperation.

Your decisions only reflect a part of you in the current environment, How you are setting boundaries and surviving now does not necessarily mean this is how you will handle your life in the future.

I am witnessing so much anticipatory anxiety surrounding losing one’s sense of self and identity in the face of these intense challenges.

We can’t help how others will see us as we relearn how to feel safe in an unsafe world as of late.

Others are doing the same for themselves.

And the truth is, in the midst of a crisis, figuring out who you are may not be the most opportune time to do so.

Just getting by and facing everyday challenges is enough.

The person you thought you lost is still inside of you.

Those parts that have shaped your life.

Your decisions, whether positive or not, will give you that opportunity to continue to learn how to live safely inside of yourself.

Your decisions may be well thought out or a knee-jerk reaction.

Judging yourself is hard enough when you might have others around you doing the same.

You are not losing yourself to trauma or the decisions you are making in response to it.

You are maturing. Your toolbox of survival skills and coping mechanisms is growing. Your chance to see how you live in this storied world is expanding.

You are experiencing the many different identities that are ignited within you as a result of cumulative experiences.

You are greater than the decisions you make.

Reflections and threads of experiences in our lineages, those responses from our ancestors, continue to communicate via the neural pathways in our brains.

The experiences repeat themselves, as do our responses. Over time, those experiences take on different form igniting new responses.

On a daily basis, we are responding to that trauma, consciously or not, thus giving rise to a new identity. A new life triggers those neural pathways to send different messages to your cells, and I believe, to your ancestors. Not only can they see your reactions beyond the veil, they can sense them and also have the opportunity to respond differently.

Yes, those ancestors still embedded in a familial or experiential traumatic event beyond the veil do react to shift.

I’ve witnessed it since I began my practice.

Our innate response much of the time is to separate from trauma. Understandable. We do what we need to do to survive.

Some might dive deeply into it to overanalyze or over obsess, also creating a form of separation.

Over obsessing to find one’s identity and meaning to quell the taste of desperation and powerlessness.

Diving deeply into something does not necessarily mean acceptance. Power over trauma does not equate to empowerment and peace.

The internal struggle remains to form a new identity separate from the trauma, separate from the darkness.

There’s this level of acceptance I have witnessed where those ancestors bound by the same threads take a deep breath and let go. Grace enters the spiritual realms as well as the cells of the person in present reality. It is not always about the amount of inner work you do, but who you are, how you see yourself, and how you bear witness to the process that creates the shift.

New neural pathways are formed as the need to identify oneself separately from the darkness, from the trauma, no longer weighs heavily on the person who is struggling.

They have created the opportunity to  experience trauma for the first time with a new identity. Only by this time, it is not experienced as trauma as we know it.

Trauma doesn’t become you. Nor does it own you. It is part of the universal construct as much as anything else.

In time and with acceptance, there’s a sense of appreciation and respect for all the suffering we have gone through.

The topic of epigenetics and ancestral healing has really been on the forefront since the pandemic hit.

People’s curiosity raised in wanting to understand how thoughts, emotions, life experiences and trauma sit inside our cells, giving birth to miasms and ultimately influence how we live our lives.

In my work for over twenty-five years now, I have witnessed many amazing stories and have been shown that it is not only our ancestor stories within our cells, but stories from the collective, from people we do not know, from other countries, other places in time, other realms of existence that also guide our earthly and spiritual bodies. Those boundaries between realms have been lightening, our experiences becoming more collective in nature and the time to open our understanding of it all is now, definitely now.

I remember a number of years ago walking into a clinic to get a Vitamin C drip. I was sitting next to an elderly gentlemen who was having his blood withdrawn and put through UV. I might have already shared this story. I remember looking intensely at his blood. Looking at his story unfold and later asking him if I could share what I had seen. Patients at that clinic tended to know each other, especially the regulars. This was the first time I met this man. I saw remnants of his story line, seeing his grandfather in World War 1, watching a few moments with his mother, some of the ailments and toxins he was struggling with in his body. Watching them all flow through his blood, infusing energetics and earth, weaving a story born from many stories. Even his ailments had their own story, needing the space to unwind.

As I was sharing with him, one of the other patients overheard. She was getting an ionic foot bath at the time, asking if I could see anything in the water. I didn’t know if I could but gave it a try.

I mentioned that her second pregnancy was a breech baby and that conception had been very difficult for her first two children. I shared that she was about to change jobs, that some of her melancholy was from her being empathic and other soul imprints were around her and in the water cleansing her feet. Other souls who could relate to her challenges of child bearing. No one in her immediate family struggled with those same challenges, but souls from other places who had were embedded in her epigenetic threads. I was just as amazed as she was as this was the first time I was “reading” water.

Many earthly and elemental imprints will carry vibrations and residue from life, all of life. If we just focus on our ancestral threads in our genes, we are missing the larger opportunity being presented to us when it comes to healing the collective. A tree living in your back yard can tell you as much about your life as any seer. Think about it.

Mother’s Day

As a little girl I so looked forward to the day to celebrate my mom, to handmake a card and watch her eyes as I opened it.

The energies gathered by families to celebrate this momentous occasion, this one day out of 365 days where the Divine Feminine is remembered and revered as holy.

Her role unparalleled. Her identity an intrinsic part of the universe.

The manifestation and expression of all life.

The giver of life.

The space holder.

The wiper of tears.

The mender of wounds.

The Goddess of all.

The healing force of unity.

Consciousness.

The materialization of the Divine Feminine remembered for those who give birth and continue the human thread in one day..

Mothering is so much more.

It encompasses lineages of an energy that embrace one half of the universe

Continuing to create itself over and over again

Through thought, emotion, form

Through birth, death and rebirth.

The Divine Feminine has no beginning and no end

An explosion of raw grace and strength,

She mothers her way through centuries of chaos

To find stillness within the very breath of existence.

And within those threads, we all become mothers.

We all give birth to life in ways seen and unseen through what we create.

I celebrate you, I celebrate us.

I celebrate the Divine Feminine that has brought you to the place where you are now and gives purpose to your life.

One day out of 365 is not enough for that which sustains us.

The womb is not the only source of Divine Creation.

Honor the source.

Honor the Mother.

Honor that expression of holiness every moment you breathe.

She walks in beauty listening to the echoes of souls past

In long forgotten places.

In the wild and darkest corners of the ethers

She roams silently

To imbue grace upon those who would receive.

Her heart not encumbered by fear,

She delicately plants seeds of light

To those willing to grow

Willing to love

Willing to embrace their light.

She does not forget the ashes from which she arose

The fires which scathed her spirit

The same ones which gave her strength

She saw darkness in a new light

And light in a new darkness.

Both God and Goddess walked with her

Whispering prayers of hope in her ears.

One step at a time

Through the ethers she walks

Upon the earth she roams.

Until the day she tires

And simply closes her eyes amidst heaven’s splendor.

Listening to those words this week from many clients whose emotional landscape has been significantly altered by the pandemic. People in the midst of rushing back to “normal”, not just in relationship to their external environments, but in relationship to who they thought they were before the pandemic. I am seeing more anxiety and depression from the over analysis and recalibration of emotional and psychological patterns that once may have served us, but as people are beginning to utilize those old ways of thinking and being, something is amiss.

The same freedoms offered before in our mental processes are either not enough, not adequate, or simply not as effective.

Propelling people into shame, doubt, and the ensuing anxiety and depression, clients are sharing that they simply feel overwhelmed, as though they are just too much. Too much for others to be around, too much to sit within themselves. What I hear underneath those words is that there is just too much pain, not enough safety.

Many are walking on egg shells.

Where they land next is like navigating an emotional and spiritual landmine.

Will they recognize themselves?

Will they recognize their reactions to patterns?

Will others?

The experience of daily life itself becomes daunting and trusting oneself is questionable.

As we re-emerge, you might want to take things slowly.

Your thoughts and emotions will have new territory to discover. Your reactions and responses to stimuli might feel quite different.

You might truly think something is wrong with you.

There is nothing wrong.

We are all stepping out of a collective trauma and the process is a deep, slow and sometimes intense one of integration.

We are not the same people we were before the pandemic.

If you think you have not changed in any way, I would ask you to reconsider.

Exploring uncharted emotionally territory is frightening for anyone, and exciting at the same time.

All of us experienced a death on some level during this pandemic.

Many of us were too busy trying to figure out how we were going to survive with all the changes that were thrown upon us.

At some point, we will have to grieve.

We still have not felt safe enough to do so yet, but it will come.

Grieve.

Your inner landscape needs your permission to do so and to open itself up for you to make a new relationship with yourself in the months to come.

it lends itself to a darkness which cannot be understood, contained, managed or even respected for what it is.

Desperation has been a current within humanity for eons, prompting the desire for power over powerlessness, knowledge over the unknown, entitlement over desolation.

It preys upon our vulnerabilities in such a way where manipulation of both spirit and soul relinquish authority so that some semblance of safety becomes known.

That safety is illusion, but many in search of that safety feel they have found the Holy Grail of reassurance.

The illusion becomes reality and human beings will do anything to diminish coming face to face with a “power” that destabilizes them to their very core.

Underneath that desperation lies the hero’s journey.

A wealth of healing medicine that could potentially morph your life experience into a world of possibility

Providing tools to stay in the present, while befriending a darkness which would no longer frighten you so.