Blog

Collective Transference

In this time of upheaval, boundary systems we have become familiar with over time are diminishing right before our very eyes.
The schism between heaven and earth is but a reflection of what is happening within humanity, individually and collectively.
At the beginning of the year, many of my clients ask me what I see for the year ahead as a whole.
There were times I didn’t want to look, as humanity’s paradigm as we know it was going to shift even more so dramatically.
Relationships between peoples, the earth, societies, cultures, families, spiritual realms are all changing.
Conflict within emotional and mental states of being are at the forefront as we establish new survival skills just to maintain some sort of sanity and sense of self.
Our identities no longer serve how we see ourselves in this world and in all the relationships we hold dear.
Many feel lost as their boundary systems have shattered, igniting such efforts to acclimate to new energies at each turn.
Anger is becoming familiar.
Fear is becoming comfortable.
Grief is becoming tiresome.
I can explain all this in spiritual terms but when it comes right down to it, the more we hold onto our old identities and boundaries, the greater the struggle to accept the path ahead.
There is a collective transference happening. I have some thoughts that the push/pull of the last two years beginning with the pandemic and ensuing consequences have rattled us to the core. The trauma that many continue to experience as a result of world events have caused a collective disassociation of sorts and transference has become somewhat of a survival skill. Each of us are looking to find some sort of balance within a chaos that keeps unfolding. Our survival skills will continue to grow and transform themselves.
A boundary you create today may not be needed tomorrow.
A coping mechanism you utilized today may not be as effective a week from now.
Transferring our thoughts and feelings onto others or the collective can make us feel safe until the next time we watch the news and see another world event which leaves us devastated or a conflict arises in our own home.
The cycle of life and death, birth and rebirth will expand far beyond our comprehension.
But somewhere in there, you exist. as a pivotal part of creation and this collective process that is unfolding.
Yes, you exist.
Breathe into that and allow that to become the boundary you need to get you through the day.

The Time of No Self

As the year comes to an end, I usually try and gather some thoughts for what lies ahead.

The past few months I kept repeating the words “no self”. I pondered the significance for me and for the period of time
We are entering into. The ancestors have been moving beyond worlds. opening new portals which have yet to see light, battling forces
So that humanity can birth a sense of dignity and pride in creation it has never witnessed. The armor which has bound generations together in both darkness and light,
In every miasm that has traversed familial and cultural dynamics, is being pulled apart dramatically between heaven and earth.
The choices we are making are influencing the past and have already imprinted future generations to come.
The spirit world is offering us the opportunity for truth, and that is
Creating internal and external chaos for many.
Over the past two years we have been asked to shed many skins, cry many tears.
Our hearts have been broken over and over again as we stare into the mirror and do not recognize
The weary visage staring back at us.
Who have we become?
We think we know our true stories until another story comes out of nowhere and destabilizes our very core.
The time of “no self” will show us threads of a story we could have never envisioned.
A visage we have never seen when looking in the mirror.
Skins we have never worn thus bodies we have yet to become acquainted with.
There will be times when you feel like you are living someone else’s story.
But it will be yours.
And it will be your mother’s.
It will be your father’s.
It will be your children’s.
It will be your neighbor’s.
It will be the world’s story rising up within you and asking you to accept the unknown.
Who have we become?
That question will enter our hearts a myriad of times and a will greater than our own
Will become our saving grace and constant companion in the path before us.
Wishing you peace and gentleness in the unknown ahead.
These are indeed, transformational times.

Body

There is this liminal space between bodies, the ones we incarnate into over and over again.

The threshold where we may not get to choose gender or culture, limbs or features, or perhaps even the narrative that will earth our bodies into that experience.
The fragrance and color of our hair, the width of our bellies, the flexibility of our aging joints, the health of our tissues and organs.
The smile we may or may not have upon reflecting in a mirror.
The narrative that will pursue us until we evolve into acceptance of each and every cell that has chosen to partner with our spirits.
In that liminal space, you don’t expect illness or injury, harm or pain.
We hope to be protected, embraced in a soothing portal of infinity where we reside with a holiness incapable of suffering when we reenter the earth realm.
These bodies.
Whether we choose them or not, they exist to carry us through this realm.
Each cell yearning for a gentle humanity where every body is respected and honored.
Each cell receiving even the slightest touch from another as grace moving fluidly between the heavens.
These bodies become our home as long as God wills it.
A form bestowed upon us to cherish for all time.
Treat them with the respect as the Divine would have it.

Don’t Rush to Heal Me

Don’t rush to heal me.

Let me be with my tears
From centuries past
Of wounded lineages
Whose courage rebirthed itself with each generation.
Let me be with my rage
Whose screams are heard across parallel realities
In the awake of transformation
Arising from the belly of the beast
Calling out to every god and goddess
To save me from myself.
Let me be with my fear
Whose voice trembles at the spark of faith
That same voice dragging me into the abyss
One limb at a time
Until every nuance of who I think I am
Enters the womb of God
Awaiting to be resurrected.
Don’t rush to heal me.
There is a time and a place
Where all seasons of change
Are bound by the Divine
And sanctified by grace.

Blood

Blood. The portal through which our cells receive oxygen and vital nutrients.

Plasma, red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets.
Let’s not forget memories and trauma. I think that should be added to its definition.
I still remember walking into an integrative clinic and looking at an IV bottle filled with a patient’s blood as he was receiving a red ozone treatment and being able to tell his ancestral story as well as see what was occurring metabolically. I recall seeing his grandfather in a war, adorned with metals on his jacket. His mother’s hands were worn from working in the garden, he was deficient in various nutrients and some retroviral imprints were floating around.
The fluids of our bodies can tell as much of our story as can our words. As unsafe as many of us feel inside this holy temple created by heaven and earth,
our bodies offer us the safest healing passage within this earthen element provided by the gods.
We can “leave” our bodies as much as we want while we move through this life, triggered by thought, emotion or experience.
But something always pulls us back. The cells of our bodies grasp onto memories and transport them to different realms, our blood provides a boundary so that some of those traumatic thoughts are forgotten by our minds. Our tissues are always looking for ways to protect us from harm.
And yet all they ask for is our attention, our acknowledgment. A prayer of gratitude.
A reservoir of ancestral stories that are alive within you, your body has the capability of transmuting those stories for potent healing medicine.
It also has the capability of sparking a grace so fierce that any trauma you carry can be silenced into the arms of God.
The flow of blood so smooth that one could hear the laughter of their grandparents.
The incredible transparency of cells that one could see the familial trauma.
The aggregate of all the bodily parts that define our form in this lifetime.
We flounder our whole lives trying to figure out what makes us safe in this world.
Escaping the very vessel which tells more of our story than we could ever imagine.
Come back into yourselves.
To the temple which houses a thousand stories.
Your trauma is as worthy as your triumph.

Decisions…

You are not your decisions.

Between the challenges many of us faced last year and with what’s unfolding this year, we have all had to make some heavy decisions that impact and influence our lives and the lives of others.
The toll these decisions are taking on us have altered the ways in which we live, function and identify our roles in society and within our familial dynamic.
Relationships have taken the brunt of these decisions and created rifts leaving many of us to question our identities.
We’ve had to set boundaries like we never have before.
So when did our boundaries change the person we are?
Why are we seeing ourselves so differently?
Why are others?
We’ve been encapsulated in a miasm of survival and trauma since the onset of this pandemic.
Most of us have had to renegotiate our internal survival and communication skills to function on a daily basis.
Some of us have had to actually create those survival skills.
We are still operating from a self and collective induced stress response to current world events.
Boundaries are being created both out of necessity and fear in response to our environment.
Confusion permeates our identities and anxiety collectively is at its peak as many of us scramble to figure out who we are in the midst of this trauma.
The answers you are seeking in terms of your identity are coming out of desperation.
Your decisions only reflect a part of you in the current environment, How you are setting boundaries and surviving now does not necessarily mean this is how you will handle your life in the future.
I am witnessing so much anticipatory anxiety surrounding losing one’s sense of self and identity in the face of these intense challenges.
We can’t help how others will see us as we relearn how to feel safe in an unsafe world as of late.
Others are doing the same for themselves.
And the truth is, in the midst of a crisis, figuring out who you are may not be the most opportune time to do so.
Just getting by and facing everyday challenges is enough.
The person you thought you lost is still inside of you.
Those parts that have shaped your life.
Your decisions, whether positive or not, will give you that opportunity to continue to learn how to live safely inside of yourself.
Your decisions may be well thought out or a knee-jerk reaction.
Judging yourself is hard enough when you might have others around you doing the same.
You are not losing yourself to trauma or the decisions you are making in response to it.
You are maturing. Your toolbox of survival skills and coping mechanisms is growing. Your chance to see how you live in this storied world is expanding.
You are experiencing the many different identities that are ignited within you as a result of cumulative experiences.
You are greater than the decisions you make.

Responding to Trauma

I think we can all identify with trauma. Of course we can. A living breathing experience within every cell in our body extending to various realms in the astral plane.

Reflections and threads of experiences in our lineages, those responses from our ancestors, continue to communicate via the neural pathways in our brains.
The experiences repeat themselves, as do our responses. Over time, those experiences take on different form igniting new responses.
On a daily basis, we are responding to that trauma, consciously or not, thus giving rise to a new identity. A new life triggers those neural pathways to send different messages to your cells, and I believe, to your ancestors. Not only can they see your reactions beyond the veil, they can sense them and also have the opportunity to respond differently.
Yes, those ancestors still embedded in a familial or experiential traumatic event beyond the veil do react to shift.
I’ve witnessed it since I began my practice.
Our innate response much of the time is to separate from trauma. Understandable. We do what we need to do to survive.
Some might dive deeply into it to overanalyze or over obsess, also creating a form of separation.
Over obsessing to find one’s identity and meaning to quell the taste of desperation and powerlessness.
Diving deeply into something does not necessarily mean acceptance. Power over trauma does not equate to empowerment and peace.
The internal struggle remains to form a new identity separate from the trauma, separate from the darkness.
There’s this level of acceptance I have witnessed where those ancestors bound by the same threads take a deep breath and let go. Grace enters the spiritual realms as well as the cells of the person in present reality. It is not always about the amount of inner work you do, but who you are, how you see yourself, and how you bear witness to the process that creates the shift.
New neural pathways are formed as the need to identify oneself separately from the darkness, from the trauma, no longer weighs heavily on the person who is struggling.
They have created the opportunity to  experience trauma for the first time with a new identity. Only by this time, it is not experienced as trauma as we know it.
Trauma doesn’t become you. Nor does it own you. It is part of the universal construct as much as anything else.
In time and with acceptance, there’s a sense of appreciation and respect for all the suffering we have gone through.

Is Blood Thicker Than Water?

 

The topic of epigenetics and ancestral healing has really been on the forefront since the pandemic hit.
People’s curiosity raised in wanting to understand how thoughts, emotions, life experiences and trauma sit inside our cells, giving birth to miasms and ultimately influence how we live our lives.
In my work for over twenty-five years now, I have witnessed many amazing stories and have been shown that it is not only our ancestor stories within our cells, but stories from the collective, from people we do not know, from other countries, other places in time, other realms of existence that also guide our earthly and spiritual bodies. Those boundaries between realms have been lightening, our experiences becoming more collective in nature and the time to open our understanding of it all is now, definitely now.
I remember a number of years ago walking into a clinic to get a Vitamin C drip. I was sitting next to an elderly gentlemen who was having his blood withdrawn and put through UV. I might have already shared this story. I remember looking intensely at his blood. Looking at his story unfold and later asking him if I could share what I had seen. Patients at that clinic tended to know each other, especially the regulars. This was the first time I met this man. I saw remnants of his story line, seeing his grandfather in World War 1, watching a few moments with his mother, some of the ailments and toxins he was struggling with in his body. Watching them all flow through his blood, infusing energetics and earth, weaving a story born from many stories. Even his ailments had their own story, needing the space to unwind.
As I was sharing with him, one of the other patients overheard. She was getting an ionic foot bath at the time, asking if I could see anything in the water. I didn’t know if I could but gave it a try.
I mentioned that her second pregnancy was a breech baby and that conception had been very difficult for her first two children. I shared that she was about to change jobs, that some of her melancholy was from her being empathic and other soul imprints were around her and in the water cleansing her feet. Other souls who could relate to her challenges of child bearing. No one in her immediate family struggled with those same challenges, but souls from other places who had were embedded in her epigenetic threads. I was just as amazed as she was as this was the first time I was “reading” water.
Many earthly and elemental imprints will carry vibrations and residue from life, all of life. If we just focus on our ancestral threads in our genes, we are missing the larger opportunity being presented to us when it comes to healing the collective. A tree living in your back yard can tell you as much about your life as any seer. Think about it.

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day
As a little girl I so looked forward to the day to celebrate my mom, to handmake a card and watch her eyes as I opened it.
The energies gathered by families to celebrate this momentous occasion, this one day out of 365 days where the Divine Feminine is remembered and revered as holy.
Her role unparalleled. Her identity an intrinsic part of the universe.
The manifestation and expression of all life.
The giver of life.
The space holder.
The wiper of tears.
The mender of wounds.
The Goddess of all.
The healing force of unity.
Consciousness.
The materialization of the Divine Feminine remembered for those who give birth and continue the human thread in one day..
Mothering is so much more.
It encompasses lineages of an energy that embrace one half of the universe
Continuing to create itself over and over again
Through thought, emotion, form
Through birth, death and rebirth.
The Divine Feminine has no beginning and no end
An explosion of raw grace and strength,
She mothers her way through centuries of chaos
To find stillness within the very breath of existence.
And within those threads, we all become mothers.
We all give birth to life in ways seen and unseen through what we create.
I celebrate you, I celebrate us.
I celebrate the Divine Feminine that has brought you to the place where you are now and gives purpose to your life.
One day out of 365 is not enough for that which sustains us.
The womb is not the only source of Divine Creation.
Honor the source.
Honor the Mother.
Honor that expression of holiness every moment you breathe.

My Name is Forgiveness

“How long can you endure?”
At my darkest hour, I heard a voice coming from the flame.
That slippery slope of emotional turmoil where the burdening question of existence
Perpetuates that longing for some sense of relief.
I turned around and searched everywhere for the inquisitor.
Who had the audacity to challenge the facade of my integrity?
“How long can you endure?”
My pulsating heartbeat could be heard across dimensions.
“Who are you?”
My anger swirled and descended to the earth beneath me.
“You know who I am. I have followed you for lifetimes.
Never more than one step behind you.
You have thought me the bane of your existence.
But I have and will always be your greatest hope, your greatest salvation.”
I pulled back, bewildered by the voice.
“I still don’t know who you are. Why don’t you come out and show yourself!”
“I’ve never hidden from you. You just refuse to see me for who I am, who you are, and for what we can become together.”
“I’ve told you my name a thousand times over, but your heart could never hear me. Your mind would never listen. Your spirit would never receive.”
Exhausted, with what little strength I had left I shifted my gaze to the ethers.
“I don’t understand. You seem to think you know about me, as though we’ve met before. Please, can you just tell me your name?”
There was this pause. I swear I could hear the entire universe in one breath.
“Forgiveness. My name is forgiveness. And we have met before. In every lifetime, in every moment. I have walked by your side, carried you when you were too weak, strengthened you when you needed me most. You rarely like to admit it, but you do need me. The truth is, I need you too. My question remains the same. How long can you endure?”
I had no answer, I just lay frozen in my own conundrum.
“I’ll wait for you. I’m in no rush. Your story is my story. You actually can’t endure without me. But you can suffer more without me.
I hope you allow me the honor of mending your wounds. I couldn’t think of any other way I would want to spend the rest of my life. When you’re ready, all you have to do is look within. I’ll be here.”