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On Being Okay

There is this place; this middle ground inside of ourselves that teeters on the brink of darkness, grasping at strings of light when raw with emotion. The darkness appears vast and the light seems unreachable. Telling ourselves we will be okay seems fruitless, an escape from presence. Ensconced in shame, the word ‘okay’ has taken on such an identity when it comes to how we are feeling.
I found myself sharing in sessions this week that it was okay NOT to be okay. This last week many people I spoke with were deluged with emotional crises, fear rising as the thought of not being okay equated with survival on many levels. Survival of identity and roles in this world, within their familial and work environment, survival of their hearts, their minds, their physical bodies. When loved ones would ask them how they were doing, the ensuing response of “I’m okay” just wasn’t adequate enough. Adequate in their minds in regards to themselves, but in truth, the recipient hearing those words may not know how to respond to someone saying that they are not okay. Being not okay and owning it can trigger a sense of powerlessness, weakness, inadequacy, and shame. It is as though it is not okay to not feel okay. We might share those feelings with those closest to us and hide it with the rest of the world where I bet most of us have had experiences of not being okay with not feeling okay.
I remember the silence on the other end of the phone this week in a few sessions. When I shared that it was completely okay not to be okay, it was like opening a door to the underworld. There was a space created to forgive the self judgement and allow for a sense of empowerment to be felt when truth rings authentic. There was a space created so the internal power struggle could quiet itself and find breathing room to expand its thoughts and emotions. A space where weakness, inadequacy and shame didn’t make sense anymore as not being okay suddenly became powerfully okay.

 

The Pause

I know many of us are frightened by the ‘pause’.

That singular moment when the door between inner peace and inner chaos compels us to make a choice to grasp  stillness in its entirety or walk through that door facing the unknown.
That singular moment where the possibility of new life can be birthed by our co-creation with the Divine.
Or that moment, yes that moment, where we meet death in its many forms staring into our souls, wondering what our next move will be.
I know many of us are frightened by the pause.
That space inside of us where emotion and thought can have no comprehensible boundary and wreak havoc with how we see ourselves in this world.
That space inside of us that is so quiet we can hear the screams of our ancestors and those who will walk the path for us in the future.
Or is it that space where our sense of being is destined by the gods in ways we don’t understand yet, and in knowing so, we become fearful of trusting.
I know many of us are frightened by the pause. The pause has helped me navigate these life giving waters. these thoughts and emotions rippled with currents of the Divine.
Without it, life would not exist as we know it.
Embrace the pause. Respect the pause.
Pray for that pause to find you even when you cannot find it within yourself.

Empowerment

You cannot rush to the other side of powerlessness.

It is a deep void embedded into the unknown of human constructs, serving many thoughts and emotions that have the potential of leading us into the darkness.
We spend much of our lives individually and collectively searching for, attaching to, utilizing and manipulating power. That doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative thing, it all depends upon our relationship to power itself and how we sit inside ourselves when we are without it; powerless. It is a void many of us prefer not to spend too much time in, albeit a necessary construct for appropriate psychological, emotional and spiritual development. Our lives are predicated upon an energy that has both the power to heal and to destroy. In my experience, rushing through to the other side of powerlessness to find empowerment leads me nowhere. Empowerment is not something one can find. It is a birthright as much as powerlessness is. Sit inside your powerlessness as much as you want to sit inside your power. One cannot exist without the other. Nor will your life be defined any differently as you experience both polarities dependent upon your relationship to them.

Gather yourself as you walk this sacred earth until the pain of your ancestors is released to the gods. Gather your bones until every prayer instilled within them is heard. Gather your thoughts until every message that has crossed generations is revealed. Gather your heart until every wound is held in gratitude. Gather your soul until the moment you realize that your journey is one of grace for a story that is told by many.

Who Am I?

I am not who you think I am.

I am more than the flesh and bones which carry my soul upon this wayward earth.
I am a vessel, an imprint of imagination, desire, holiness and creation begun long ago with my lineage.
I am a confluence of generations; of thought and emotion polarized by both my humanity and Divinity.
I am a memory long ago borne and not yet created. I am the matrix upon which good and evil flow in balance to teach me humility and gratitude.
I am not who you think I am.
Nor am I who I perceive myself to be.
I am an eternity held in a linear reality until the time my flesh and bones dissolve into nothingness.
I am the ‘other’ I see before me every waking moment.
I am the creation I stumble upon that only embodies form so I can understand.
I am the silence within the chaos. I am the chaos before that silence.
I am the grace from which these words flow.
I am more than that. And so are you….
Eventually, I will no longer have an interest in wondering who I am.
I will no longer have an interest in wondering who you are.
We will carry each other as one in the silence of our being, already knowing we are borne of the same love, the same magnificence, the same grace. The silence will show us.

Listen…..

I don’t usually keep notes from clients after we have worked together, but I was reminded of a note that remains with me from someone I worked with almost twenty years ago. In light of the full moon’s energies, I wanted to share a story that I tell in some of my lectures. As I recount this story through the years I am sure there are parts I recall all of a sudden as there are parts I forget. It continually reminds me that our voices are always heard even when we think no one is listening. One day I was called to visit the home of a young man who had terminal cancer. He had a few weeks left to live, was in his early 30’s and his wife had just given birth to their first child a few months prior. I don’t usually make home visits, but when someone is transitioning. it is an honor to bear witness within this most sacred space. I walked into the bedroom and he lay on the bed with barely enough flesh clinging to his bones, so dehydrated from the literal loss of water and life from his tissues. He was unconscious. In the room with me were his nurse, his wife and his mother. The nurse and his mother wondered what I was doing there, and the wife tried to explain that I had various abilities of communication with the living and those who have crossed. I gently grabbed his hand as he lay motionless and my first response was to keel over in pain and gasp. I grabbed the area of pain I was in and asked his wife how much pain he was in before he lost consciousness. She remarked that even with the pain medications, he would struggle in agony at the very place I was holding onto. I told him telepathically who I was and that he could share with me any thoughts he had so I could relay them to his wife. I would preface any words that came from my mouth with, ‘He said..” He began telling me about a conversation they had had about going on vacation, or rather, the vacation they had wanted to take, all the places they had wanted to visit, and how he would miss going with her. He was concerned about their child, their financial future and gave specific insight into their conversation. As I was relaying these messages to his wife, the nurse left the room and his mother did not know what to make of me. I think they were both in shock. His wife recounted a conversation they had had a few nights prior while he was still conscious about those thoughts I was sharing. He then began to describe to me in length the people he was seeing in the room from time to time. It was challenging to me because I only saw a few of them in those very moments. These were people he had known when he was a child that had passed on. His wife would not know them and his mother said she had no clue as to whom I was speaking of. He would repeat his words in my mind about his elderly neighbor who would teach him baseball and I would just keep repeating those same words. There was a calmness to his tone as he identified various friends in the spirit world who were happily waiting for him to join them. I continued to hold his hand, allowing his pain to pass through me and told him he could go any time he was ready. His mother still did not believe me and his wife was in tears. As I walked out. something or someone reached for my shoulder. I turned around and this unconscious man’s eyes opened. He smiled a huge smile and waved at me and then went unconscious again. It still sends chills down my spine to this day. Upon leaving the wife had asked me if I knew how long he had left. I did and I told her.

Less than two weeks later I attended the funeral. His wife saw me walk in and rushed up to me. She said her husband had become conscious for a brief time. Can’t recall if it was that evening or the next day. Both his wife and his mother were in the room when this happened. He asked his wife, “Did you hear everything I told Laura to tell you?” Their mouths dropped open, even as she recounted the story. He then went on to describe the same people he had described to me and his mother began remembering.

This story is not about me and what I can do. This is about you and what we all can do. This is about the power of thought, of communication, between various worlds and in various ways. Babies can hear us as they mature inside our wombs. Those in comas await fervently for our voices to console them. Those on the other side still like to have conversations. The natural world is alive with energy and the trees hear our voices as much as the animals do. If your words are of light, the power to heal is immense. If your words are of love, the power to carry ourselves and each other as one is Divine. Speak tenderly of Spirit even when you think no one is listening. I promise, a world which many cannot imagine is awaiting to hear your voice.

Inadequacy Enlightened

 

When most people think of the word inadequate. what comes to mind is not being good enough. It indeed has its roots in self worth, self identity, shame and loss.
Loss alters one’s mind and heart when identity is left to be unearthed by psychological, emotional and societal paradigms; by aspects of the psyche that are ingrained from the time we are in the womb through the norms of social and behavioral development. The aura of innocence becomes skewed as we mature from babies to children and we individually and collectively take on the wounds of those around us and those who came before us. The holiness many of us know on such a deep level becomes enmeshed in our thoughts of who we should be, who we aren’t and what we might never become. That holiness never fades, it is simply forgotten as we become programmed toward establishing an identity which suits external influences in our lives. Those influences become internalized setting up a pattern in which thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ or ‘not being enough’ get challenged on a daily basis. I am okay with those thoughts if they take you further inside yourself to become reacquainted with your holiness. Most of the time those thoughts continue to separate us from ourselves and the world around us. Those thoughts then set the precedence for much of the hatred we experience within and between race, sexual orientation, religion, and all relationships, including the one we have with ourselves. Our feelings of inadequacy can feel overwhelming and propel us into a state of powerlessness. We feel like we have no control over who or what we are and/or who or what others perceive us to be. It is an addictive emotional spiral that takes us down the rabbit hole searching for something that has actually never left us. Beyond the shame, beyond the loss, beyond the powerlessness, there is an identity which has yet to be discovered within ourselves. An identity when embraced, raises inadequacy to a state of enlightenment which desires to be respected. Not for the hurt it can do, but for the self realization it offers us through that place of holiness. That gentle place, where identity meets the Divine. That place where we are held as much as we do the holding for ourselves and each other.  Identity takes on a whole new meaning when we walk hand in hand with our holiness, and inadequacy becomes part of that holiness.

Rebirth

The ancient womb is awakening.

Since the onset of this new year, I have noticed many feeling unsure as to which direction to head in; feeling like intentions set forth for this year of 2019 are being set aside.
Impatience is rising as is frustration. The universal womb is contracting, ready to give birth too all of us, to this new paradigm which was seen and known by the ancient ones. This new womb is awakening with fervor and passion, strength and a determination to gather collectively to heal in ways we have not understood before. The ancients understood. It is we who have been sleeping, cradling ourselves in this materialistic and linear construct mentally, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. Many have focused on doing the inner work of the soul yet somewhere in the midst, the notion of simplicity of the Divine, of Holy Providence, of the Spiritual Laws of the Universe have been lost to oblivion. We are all wanting to vibrate to a higher frequency that the simplicity of love and our relationship to it becomes so ensconced we may fail to recognize the Divine in everything within and around us. Our unyielding search for this profound Holiness takes us away from being present. The path is right here, right now. The Divine is right here, right now. You are right here, right now. Whether we are conscious or not, the Divine still works through us in both seen and unseen ways. Engaging the ‘search’ for the path out of desire to achieve enlightenment carries many attachments. The ripples are being felt as our attachments are being challenged as what we thought we envisioned for this new year may not manifest in the ways we had intended. Your womb is held by the universal womb. The ripples being felt are at such an intensity that many are left questioning if they are headed in the right direction. The anxieties being felt are because we are all ready to be birthed anew. If we hold onto the old understandings of our purpose in this world, we will struggle. If we allow for ourselves to move into Presence, our purpose will be revealed. And if the purpose is familiar to you, the way you carry it into the world will be different. This ancient womb carries many mysteries. Some will be revealed individually as we embark on our journeys, some will be revealed collectively, and some mysteries will remain forever in the house of the gods serving a purpose we humans might never comprehend.

Another Perspective on The Law of Attraction

I remember when I began reading books on spirituality in the late 80’s. The Law of Attraction seemed to be a part of many texts. When I furthered my education in the healing arts, I noticed that the paradigm set up around the Laws of Attraction left many of us in a depressed state. Simply put, if things weren’t going in the direction of your intentions, you were not doing something right in your life, or perhaps a prior incarnation was catching up to you. Below are some of my own perceptions….

It is said that everything we do happens for a reason.

I like to think that we can simply find ‘reason’ in everything we do.
Even if that reasoning finds us face to face with the unknown, the mystery behind our life story, the mystery behind our perceived identities in relation to heaven and earth.
It is said that people are put in our path for us to meet.
What if that purpose was not as individualized as we think it is?
What if those chance meetings were for a higher purpose we know nothing about? To bring about a healing effect for an individual on another continent, from a past generation or a generation to come? To influence a parallel reality?
Many take notice of those chance meetings that impact their lives with grand momentum but rarely do we take notice of the homeless person we pass on the streets, sheltering himself under his worn and dirty blanket to keep safe from the cold. Chance meetings like that do not happen unless we want them to. That homeless person is on the same path as the one who will help your dreams get accomplished. I find it interesting how we ourselves alter the law of attraction to avoid shadow and suffering at times. We initiate those chance meetings and experiences to ignite manifestations and positivity on our paths. If we struggle and suffer too much, then a thought comes that we are not in alignment. But what if the struggle is the alignment?
We are taught to raise our vibration by keeping company with those on a similar path.
I don’t recall Christ, Buddha, or any of the other mystics I have read about practicing spiritual bigotry.
I recall a myriad of stories where those who maintained a close spiritual relationship with the Divine kept company with Saints and much as sinners, criminals, the wretched, the ill, the indigent. Their vibrations were raised by the mere fact that they opened their hearts to love all of God’s children equally, forgiving their trespasses as they would want to be forgiven.
It is said that if you change your thoughts, then your desired intentions will follow suit.
I have always thought that if you changed your relationship to your thoughts, that you have just altered your destiny by creating space for something new to come into your life, even if that newness is inner peace amidst your suffering. We identify shift by a physical manifestation as opposed to an internal one. The teachings of the mystics have been lost lately to The Laws of Attraction furthering the understanding that changing one’s thoughts can equate to one’s intentions manifesting physically.
Yes, those people you allow into your life matter.
What is more important is how you hold space for yourself in those relationships.
It is said that if our life is so challenged this time around, perhaps we did something wrong in a prior one.
Really?
Our souls are fragments of other souls combined. Every time we reincarnate, we do so with threads of other souls and patterns within us. We all have good and evil within us, and we are all here regardless of intention to bring that good and evil into balance, embracing our humanity and Divinity until we reach the stillness the Divine intended.
When we focus so strongly on initiating those Laws of Attraction, we involve the ego and forget the humility needed to understand that our purpose is interconnected, our lives are interconnected, our lessons are interconnected. When we allow inclusivity of the Divine purpose, we actually do not have to focus on attracting things into our life as it will happen automatically the way the Divine intended.

 

Holiness

Meet me at the place where God dwells. Where there is no separation among Her children. Where the four leggeds are held in sanctity as much as the two leggeds. Where the natural world is born from the heavens. Where the peace humanity seeks is already granted in ways our minds have yet to grasp. Meet me in this place where God dwells. Let it be so for this new year upon us. May God and the spirits bless us as we enter into this new time of holiness.