Blog

Perhaps

Across generations, you will come to know me. I am your past, your present, your future. I belong to those who were left behind by the constructs of linear time, yet exist in parallel realities where I can touch upon you the imprint of my soul. You think you exist in your world without me. You think I can exist without you. You think we can exist without each other. You look in the mirror and define yourself by the present awareness of your human condition yet fail to realize you are merely a thread weaving through the conscience of immortality. Today you might experience yourself as man or woman. Yesterday you were in my womb, in utero, waiting to be born. Nourished by the same placenta that fed you for generations before. Who will you be in this lifetime? Do you remember who we were in other lifetimes?

Were you the slave, shackled and haunted by his owner, weary to the bone from working his plantations? Or were you the plantation owner, filled with the undeniable assurance that I was merely property for you to own? Were you among the Native American, leaving your lands, malnourished and broken from walking the Trail of Tears? Or were you the militia pointing the gun in my back as I took my last steps, not able to feel the ground underneath my feet anymore. I watched painfully as you took away lands that you claimed were your own and the many lives with it. Were you a woman desperate to end an unwanted pregnancy with a back alley abortion? Or were you perhaps the child that never came to term? And what about the child working twelve hour shifts in a city factory before child labor laws were enacted to protect you? Or maybe you were that factory boss, walking around intimidating me, knowing what little monies I received for my intense labor would not be sufficient to help my family feed themselves. Maybe you were a physician in the early part of the century. Or perhaps you were one of the patients turned away because of the color of your skin when hospitals were segregated. Perhaps you were one of the many African Americans medically experimented upon until the 1990’s, or part of various impoverished societies whose bodies were also experimented upon for research. Perhaps you are part of Mother Earth whose soul weeps with grief at the destruction of humanity and of the environment which nourishes you. The pesticides, the GMO’s, the technological advances that make your life easier which in the end will only come back to haunt us.

Perhaps across generations you will come to understand that my wound is your wound, and your wound is mine. Perhaps you will come to understand that how you live your life will impact mine, and all of us you are connected with beyond the veil. Perhaps you will come to understand that it is not the weapon killing us all, but the thoughts and emotions fueling that weapon. The collective culture of hatred, greed, manipulation. Perhaps you will come to understand that the choices you make will impact generations to come and you, like me, will be watching from a distance. Perhaps.

You Are Not Broken

You are not broken.

You were made in Her image and likeness to withstand the darkness.

You were made to endure His rapture within your soul for all eternity.

You were made to endure the woundings off all humanity; if only to heal each other across time.
You were made to experience such intensity of raw emotion stripping every facet of your being until you are left humbled to your knees. Receiving such intimate grace to raise you back up on angel’s wings.
You are not broken.
You are a child of God, the universe, the earth which carries you.
You are children of one another. You cannot be broken as long as you remember you are one.

Nowhere

Walk with me into nowhere, where emptiness has its rightful place amidst the heavens.
Where tears are comforted amidst understanding.
Where Presence is felt when you don’t know where you belong.
Where fear is held in sanctity of what lessons it can offer you.
Walk with me into nowhere, where my soul reaches into yours and no boundary exists except the ones in which our minds create.
Where my soul touches upon yours the lightness of our own beings, so much so that any separation would be unbearable.
Walk with me into nowhere, where you and I exist as one, not tearing each other apart to survive a reality which is only experienced by our projections.
Where you and I exist as one, emotions running fluidly through sparks of matter which ground our souls into dense earthly bodies.
Held by a container we call love, leaving little room for thoughts which continue to separate.
Walk with me into nowhere.
I will find you.
You will find me.
How could we not?
After all, we are one and nowhere is the tabernacle of the gods.

The Womb Goddess

God awaits us in the midst of the forest. Lush and verdant, tender with life’s most reverent of creations. We cannot hear the cries of the greatest Mother of all. The Divine Feminine which settles beneath our flesh and bones, the womb Goddess, the carrier of all humankind. The epitome of grace made manifest by the heavens. These lands were birthed for the innocent, not for the iniquities hidden by the false desires we perpetuate in our minds. These lands were birthed for the holy, not for the entitled who endeavor to diminish any sanctity through greed, fear, anger or any emotion that tears this womb apart. These lands await patiently. The kingdoms that dwell within this Great Mother have created sanctuaries for us to pray in, yet our lack of humility has made us uninvited guests at times. The trees whisper but we cannot hear their stories. The flowers sing but we cannot hear their music. The waters flow but we refuse to value their importance. The animals protect and serve all kingdoms yet we offer them no dignity. The only dignity some of us understand is that of our own self-righteousness. The earth was not created to serve humankind. It is we humans who were made to serve this Great Mother. How can we tread softly on her if we cannot even tread softly on the ground between one human being and the next. Our footprints will carry the tears of humanity as well as these lands. We will succumb to humility and we can do it gently or be moved by the forces of creation. We are feeling the movement that comes with rebirth. We are noticing the changes within all the kingdoms of this Great Mother. We are noticing the changes within humanity. The Divine Feminine is ready to birth anew? Are you?

The Storm

There are times I want to be the storm after the calm; the one in which my restlessness battles surrender, feeling every nuance of purification as it seeps into my weary bones, knowing the phoenix will rise when the time comes as called forth by the heavens. Being as present as I can with emotions as raw as thunder and lightning. Watching them become one with the skies and the earth, as my heart and mind endeavor to survive a reality which at any moment will no longer exist. There are times I want to be the storm after the calm, seduced by the inner and outer turbulence of the Divine, knowing in the end, the self I thought I knew will be even closer in alignment to the heavens once this storm has passed.

On Being Okay

There is this place; this middle ground inside of ourselves that teeters on the brink of darkness, grasping at strings of light when raw with emotion. The darkness appears vast and the light seems unreachable. Telling ourselves we will be okay seems fruitless, an escape from presence. Ensconced in shame, the word ‘okay’ has taken on such an identity when it comes to how we are feeling.
I found myself sharing in sessions this week that it was okay NOT to be okay. This last week many people I spoke with were deluged with emotional crises, fear rising as the thought of not being okay equated with survival on many levels. Survival of identity and roles in this world, within their familial and work environment, survival of their hearts, their minds, their physical bodies. When loved ones would ask them how they were doing, the ensuing response of “I’m okay” just wasn’t adequate enough. Adequate in their minds in regards to themselves, but in truth, the recipient hearing those words may not know how to respond to someone saying that they are not okay. Being not okay and owning it can trigger a sense of powerlessness, weakness, inadequacy, and shame. It is as though it is not okay to not feel okay. We might share those feelings with those closest to us and hide it with the rest of the world where I bet most of us have had experiences of not being okay with not feeling okay.
I remember the silence on the other end of the phone this week in a few sessions. When I shared that it was completely okay not to be okay, it was like opening a door to the underworld. There was a space created to forgive the self judgement and allow for a sense of empowerment to be felt when truth rings authentic. There was a space created so the internal power struggle could quiet itself and find breathing room to expand its thoughts and emotions. A space where weakness, inadequacy and shame didn’t make sense anymore as not being okay suddenly became powerfully okay.

 

The Pause

I know many of us are frightened by the ‘pause’.

That singular moment when the door between inner peace and inner chaos compels us to make a choice to grasp  stillness in its entirety or walk through that door facing the unknown.
That singular moment where the possibility of new life can be birthed by our co-creation with the Divine.
Or that moment, yes that moment, where we meet death in its many forms staring into our souls, wondering what our next move will be.
I know many of us are frightened by the pause.
That space inside of us where emotion and thought can have no comprehensible boundary and wreak havoc with how we see ourselves in this world.
That space inside of us that is so quiet we can hear the screams of our ancestors and those who will walk the path for us in the future.
Or is it that space where our sense of being is destined by the gods in ways we don’t understand yet, and in knowing so, we become fearful of trusting.
I know many of us are frightened by the pause. The pause has helped me navigate these life giving waters. these thoughts and emotions rippled with currents of the Divine.
Without it, life would not exist as we know it.
Embrace the pause. Respect the pause.
Pray for that pause to find you even when you cannot find it within yourself.

Empowerment

You cannot rush to the other side of powerlessness.

It is a deep void embedded into the unknown of human constructs, serving many thoughts and emotions that have the potential of leading us into the darkness.
We spend much of our lives individually and collectively searching for, attaching to, utilizing and manipulating power. That doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative thing, it all depends upon our relationship to power itself and how we sit inside ourselves when we are without it; powerless. It is a void many of us prefer not to spend too much time in, albeit a necessary construct for appropriate psychological, emotional and spiritual development. Our lives are predicated upon an energy that has both the power to heal and to destroy. In my experience, rushing through to the other side of powerlessness to find empowerment leads me nowhere. Empowerment is not something one can find. It is a birthright as much as powerlessness is. Sit inside your powerlessness as much as you want to sit inside your power. One cannot exist without the other. Nor will your life be defined any differently as you experience both polarities dependent upon your relationship to them.

Gather yourself as you walk this sacred earth until the pain of your ancestors is released to the gods. Gather your bones until every prayer instilled within them is heard. Gather your thoughts until every message that has crossed generations is revealed. Gather your heart until every wound is held in gratitude. Gather your soul until the moment you realize that your journey is one of grace for a story that is told by many.

Who Am I?

I am not who you think I am.

I am more than the flesh and bones which carry my soul upon this wayward earth.
I am a vessel, an imprint of imagination, desire, holiness and creation begun long ago with my lineage.
I am a confluence of generations; of thought and emotion polarized by both my humanity and Divinity.
I am a memory long ago borne and not yet created. I am the matrix upon which good and evil flow in balance to teach me humility and gratitude.
I am not who you think I am.
Nor am I who I perceive myself to be.
I am an eternity held in a linear reality until the time my flesh and bones dissolve into nothingness.
I am the ‘other’ I see before me every waking moment.
I am the creation I stumble upon that only embodies form so I can understand.
I am the silence within the chaos. I am the chaos before that silence.
I am the grace from which these words flow.
I am more than that. And so are you….
Eventually, I will no longer have an interest in wondering who I am.
I will no longer have an interest in wondering who you are.
We will carry each other as one in the silence of our being, already knowing we are borne of the same love, the same magnificence, the same grace. The silence will show us.