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From the sins of your past, and those of your lineage.

From the sacredness that has enveloped your soul and carried you though every incarnation.

You are birthed from the rawness of innocence and the darkest of mysteries.

From the unbridled rage that permeates collective generations,

To the forgiveness that ambles gently behind it.

From the angels that hear your fervent prayers,

To the demons that abscond with them.

You are birthed neither male or female,

But of flesh, bone and blood.

To which you have ascribed an identity which pulls you away from that which you truly are.

A fertile energy from source, emanating polarities of universal threads.

Encompassing good and evil.

One day, you will come to accept all that you are.

“What is there to see?” I quivered.

The darkness looked bemused and took a step back as not to frighten me so.

“Your perceptions of me are unfounded, rooted amidst desperation in trying to understand who you are.

You are as much afraid of me as you are of your light. Those heavy emotions that permeate your soul when left to despair, powerlessness and hatred make me something out to be that I am not. I don’t fuel those emotions within you. You do. You give those emotions power over you and then project blame onto me. And all I want to do is simply help you understand the balance between  your light and myself. And in order to do that, I need to get closer to you. Sometimes that may not be so comfortable, for both of us. As afraid of me as you are, I find myself a little frightened of your light too.”

Seeing how vulnerable darkness was becoming,

I walked closer to it, more curious of its nature.

“How could you be afraid of my light? Look at all the harm you have perpetuated throughout humanity?”

“I didn’t cause humanity to suffer.  Humans and their interpretations of me, their ability to choose – that is what caused their suffering.

I have been and always will be a silent partner in the midst of creation, only ignited by what humans fear most, and acted upon by misguided thoughts.

From the moment your soul felt abandoned by the Divine, you conjured up a manifestation of me to fill that void. My voice wasn’t mine anymore. It became some construct of the collective used to further separate you from yourself, humanity from its collective soul.

I search the universe, haunted by humanity’s need to make me something I am not.

I yearn to be that silent partner again in the midst of creation. To stand by your side, holding hands with your light, understanding it as much as I want to understand myself.”

I paused for a moment and then extended my hand.

Darkness, even more humbled by my offering, reached for it and came closer to me.

“I’d like to get to know you better.” I said.

“I’d like that too,” the darkness smiled.

As we held hands, our fears slowly began melting away, and the nature of the universe felt like home again.

The Laws of Attraction, the Laws of Abundance, Karma and so on.

This interlude in time that we are experiencing is igniting what I refer to as an idealized spirituality where opposing concepts in many new age theories will either make or break you during this crisis in humanity. I should first begin by sharing that my studies in various traditions come from the sages and saints of old. I found it challenging for me in the 90’s to grasp onto much of what I refer to as ‘New Age’. Please know that I respect other belief systems and the paradigms that assist each of us on our journeys. I just may not agree with everything  I read. For me, many of the conceptualizations around reality seek to avoid suffering and create paradigms where cause and effect mirror one’s thought processes, past incarnations, suppressed emotions etc. As someone who has practiced the healing arts for almost twenty five years and experienced ecstatic states into the natures of good and evil amidst the spirit world, I have seen things that cannot be put into words. Some years ago, I had a friendship with a well known author in the mind/body/spirit field. He, like many before him, emphatically stated that all illness was a direct result of thoughts and emotions. When he ended up in the hospital due to illness, he called me, very ashamed, and wanting to keep his illness secret. I have had countless conversations with colleagues, clients etc over the years on these subjects relating to the laws of attraction, abundance etc and for the ones that put into practice these belief systems, when they ‘fail’ in their endeavors to achieve their intentions, the unworthiness that arises causes a disassociation of self so great, that struggling with the disappointment and being present with the unworthiness is not something that is easily recognizable. A dualistic reality is created where the seeker is in complete control of all that happens or all that will manifest for them in their futures, a mindset where powerlessness does not have to exist and if it does, then perhaps they are doing something wrong.  I observe and in my work, I do share with clients the origins of their illnesses as I am able to perceive them. And yes, I might be contradicting myself here but thoughts and emotions do influence illnesses and life paths, as well as ancestral miams and collective karma, but they are just a minute part of the whole of this vast spiritual construct in which we are not given the complete understanding of the universal laws at work. I share with every person I work with that I can offer a glimpse into the multi dimensional experience of their soul and physicality, but to remember it is only a glimpse. If we were to understand the nature of how the universe worked in its entirety, then many things would be different. Suffice it to say many of the sages and saints I have read never professed to have all the answers surrounding God/universe and humanity. Many of these precepts serve to help us feel more empowered in our lives. Don’t get me wrong. I am all for empowerment. But when I hear clients in despair especially during this time and questioning karma, all the work they have done on ‘attracting’ abundance or other things in their lives and how it could all just disintegrate during a pandemic, I gently remind them of other countries, other world populations and some of the history of the world. The genocides that have taken place throughout time. The history of oppression.

I have been to countries where people live in squalor but their prayers and love for each other along with gratitude for what they are given keep them moving forward. So why didn’t the Laws of Abundance work for them? Were their prayers not powerful enough? Did they attract their suffering? Friends from war torn countries have shared their stories with me, gathering their families in prayer to keep them safe. Do these same New Age theories not apply to them?

Please understand I am a firm believer in prayer and have seen it work miracles. But the miracles I have seen at work are of the internal kind. If the external world receives a physical manifestation from these prayers, then I say Amen. And I have witnessed that many times as well. There have been studies done on the power of thought and emotion, all extremely valid. It is our interpretation that these theories will lead us out of physical suffering and despair which continues that cycle of suffering if that does not happen. As though access to this kind of energy has some sort of magical power, and the ones who reap its benefits in this physical realm must surely be closer to God. And for those who continue to send out positive thoughts and intentions and still suffer in this physical world – do they not have access to the same magical energies?

New age concepts can lead the seeker to a form of escapism from many realities. We need to have answers to conditioning that brings about suffering or struggle. A few of my clients having a hard time through this pandemic told me this week they were signing up for some webinars on attracting more abundance into their lives or protecting them from this pandemic. Again, whatever works for the seeker. But even if we did have all the answers, it will not eradicate suffering. It will not eradicate those emotions we fear most within us. This is life. A culmination of birth and rebirth, beginnings and endings, mysteries that might never make sense to the seeker. There is definitely power to positive thoughts, love, service, a great power indeed. I write about it all the time. All I am suggesting is to allow space within you to accept the other mysteries that life affords you, those having to do with struggle and suffering so that when it comes your way, you will be ready to receive it and work with it, heal with it, and be present with it in your daily lives.

Its energies compel me to hold still, within myself, listening softly to its wisdom not spoken in words, but in its rapture.

As an augur it portends what is about to come.

I yield to its might, for it knows the secret mysteries of the universe within every drop of water.

Shedding the weight of humanity as it bears down upon us.

One secret at a time.

One portal at a time.

I surrender and press my womb against you as you evoke both God and Goddess in me, yearning to be healed by your magical waters.

I surrender.

Come back dear children.

To this place of density that needs you so right now.

To this place of rooted beings within creation deemed as sacred by the gods as are the heavens.

To this place of madness which can only be remedied by the beauty in which you perceive amidst its complexities.

Yes, you will be wounded time and time again.

You will also be glorified and sanctified, connected to every living creature the stars shine their light upon.

Come back dear children.

This place of density, this place you and your ancestors call home.

For everything that is of earth is of you.

A whole new world awaits within you.

The heightened and intensified energies in our world these past few weeks have triggered ancestral miasms and memories to a degree in which I have never seen before in my almost twenty five years of practice. Cellular memories reaching out to me from those here and beyond the veil. Centuries old trauma reawakening in clients, with voices wanting to be heard, voices wanted to be held. voices wanting to be healed. In all honesty. the exhaustion I felt spiritually these past few weeks was like none other. I heard the same from clients, friends, family. The push/pull between realms, crossing dimensions, expanding and contracting boundary systems on every level of humanity, individually and collectively, internally and externally. Many have felt an internal roller coaster and not sure when the ride would end or how it even began. Boundary systems are changing as we move from one reality to the next. The healing of ancestral collective trauma is painful. Thoughts, memories, emotions from ancestors of old manipulated by years of repetitive trauma, misunderstanding, oppression, injustice. And when miasms become triggered so deeply, we begin to questions ourselves, I mean really question ourselves. But our voices are not just our own. They can’t be. They are our grandparents speaking through us, their grandparents speaking through them. They are trauma after trauma, memory after memory of wrongs needing to be held in the light. There is so much shifting in our DNA that it would be impossible to expect us to figure it all out now. There is too much confusion out there. Too much self doubt. Boundaries take time to reconfigure, to expand or contract effortlessly between the light and the darkness, above any beyond any will we might have exercised to a greater will we are awakening to. This reconfiguration is actually causing a lot of physical symptoms for people, especially in these last few weeks. The confusion coupled with rage keeps a boundary rigid when the boundary needs to be given permission to expand into the light of the unknown, into the light of possibility, into the light of forgiveness.

So how can we forgive a wound? How can we forgive a trauma? How can we forgive a paradigm of confusion that has led humanity to think it is okay to hurt one another?

We begin slowly. We take each other by the hand as though each hand belonged to God. We take each memory and ask it to bless upon our hearts the forgiveness that we seek, the forgiveness we need to bestow. We ask those voices to pray with us, pray for us, and to allow us to pray for them. We bless each soul, one at a time, because we know that within each soul lies a myriad of souls, whose lives have weaved a tapestry of humanity that deserves the opportunity to know that the light can indeed, overcome the darkness.

A whole new world awaits within all of us.

As an individual and collective force, it has weaved its imprint in societal, cultural, economic, ancestral, psychological and physical threads.

Our relationship to violence, its impact and influence as a whole has embedded itself deeply into our DNA, continuing to create thoughts of separatism and unworthiness even before we enter this world. Violence has become such a powerful miasm in human history that it has become part of the norm. Part of the way in which we live, survive, and for some cultures, thrive.

Yes, thrive.  Many societies were built and have thrived on this miasm, when the need for power and attachment to survival became primary incentives for existing.

Systems were created to enforce this miasm, in every facet of humanity and included themes of race, religion, sexual orientation, economic status, thus becoming the backdrop to support a collective violence in which people utilized to survive and maintain power over one another.

I have watched as people become hypnotized by violence. Most certainly a plethora of emotions surface alongside with that.

They become hypnotized over the power one human being can have over another and how the dehumanization of life is so easily accessible to minds and hearts alike.

I am saddened at the thought that violence will always be a part of human evolution. Just as good cannot exist without evil.  Its constructs supported by systems that will not weaken unless we change those systems, shift our responses to those systems and create new experiences that will foster different boundaries around violence in the future.

We are not just reacting to the violence we are witnessing today.

We are reacting to the violence we have known for centuries. We are reacting to our reactions surrounding that historical violence that has been programmed within us for centuries.

We all have been victims of violence. Each and every one of us through cellular memory.

When we legitimize violence to accommodate emotional and physical survival, we will fail down that rabbit hole once again.

When we legitimize violence to accommodate our unworthiness, the same thing will happen.

The origins of violence perhaps need to be explored and reevaluated, not just for our own sake, but for the sake of a history which still has not learned about the roles each of us play in perpetuating a miasm as powerful as this one.

I sat there crying until I got to know my tears one by one.

Coming out into the world, a world amuck with such disregard for human life, human love, tenderness, understanding, respect.

I could go on and on but then more tears would come and my vessel which carries such raw emotion would want to retreat again.

Back to a time that most likely never existed in our human realm. A time where every tear shed was graced by a profound oneness existing only in dream time amidst angels.

To some people you are the sunshine. To others, the filth beneath your feet scourged by a hatred unencumbered.

I sat there crying until I got to know my tears one by one.

Each one extraordinary as though God picked me a bouquet of flowers from Her garden.

Caressing my cheek as they strolled down with luminescent stories of each lifetime connected to them.

Those were the same tears my mother cried, my grandmother, and her mother before her.

The same tears my father shed, my grandfather, and his father before him.

The same tears my ancestors gently wiped from their weary visages.

The same tears that flowed from your face, your ancestors, your lineage.

My tears were greater in story than they appeared at first. In sitting with them, I got to know myself more deeply than I had ever known before.

More importantly, I got to know you. Each and every one of you.

I began to see you. Oh my, how you radiate with such immense beauty.

Every color of the rainbow, every voice of the ethers.

Every child created in the image and likeness of God.

Every child.

I think I will sit and cry again, so that I am able to hear more stories, stories about you, how precious you are to me, how loved you are despite the darkness which lurks in the shadows of ignorant minds.

I want to feel those tears until every story in creation whispers their name into my ears with a voice so blessed by the heavens.

A voice which hasn’t been heard yet in this realm,

but whose destiny is unfolding as human love is being sparked again by a consciousness that connects every tear ever cried in human history.

Shame has its place in our personal and collective histories. It has rooted itself amidst our vulnerabilities, more so today in our culture as most of us have never experienced a time like this before. Primordial communication existed between humans long before words were used. Emotions such as shame were raw in nature, hell bent on wreaking havoc in our roles in familial dynamics and societies, and as it relates to how we see ourselves in this world. Shame is prevalent right now. This pandemic has triggered such a visceral response, none like I have seen before when it comes to this emotion. Whether it is shame of one’s own fear around the pandemic, shame in working through the isolation, shame of contracting the illness, shame of losing one’s job, shame of not being able to pay the bills on time or even put food on the table – an emotion that has separated us from time immemorial is now seeping into the hearts and minds of the collective at such a new level it is creating such a powerful miasm that our ancestors are rolling over in their graves.

Shame lessens our experience of life, our experience of one another, and our experience of ourselves. Our reactions and responses to life become muted in such a way that moving forward becomes a daunting task as we cannot see that forest through the trees. The greater awareness of shame’s purpose is not able to be reconciled within the choices we make, and we continue down that rabbit hole of self deprecation until the shame becomes something familiar, something safe, something that takes away our authenticity and freedom. It’s familiarity becomes a source of comfort in and of itself as we abandon any notion of worthiness, both human and spiritual. When we abandon ourselves due to shame, we reject our true nature and become stuck in that void of separation, unsure of how to find our way back to the light. We then begin that search for power outside of ourselves, seeking a false sense of protection which we think will help us function in this world.

I understand the reasoning behind the surge in this personal and collective emotion. I don’t even ask that we eradicate it. It doesn’t have to be as powerful as we think it is. It can be a tool, a very empowering tool  teaching us ways to step outside of that power struggle within ourselves that has established an identity based on an unworthiness so deep that it causes us to act and think in destructive ways. We allow shame to take hold because our own worthiness is too great a risk. Unworthiness is an easier burden to bear.

What is happening to us does not have to create more shame. We are in control of how we emotionally relate to our present circumstances. Our fear, our anger and all the other emotions surfacing as a result of this world crisis are valid emotions and deserve our worthiness so they can be attended to appropriately. Emotional freedom awaits each one of us.