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I know she is readying herself, readying us, to enter into this new world of both light and abyss.

2020 was only the beginning of this monumental transition, this paradigm shift towards a selfless humanity.

Yes, I said selfless.

I noticed this week after that full moon, people were scattered. Major life events were triggered with almost every client I spoke with.

The “need to know” was so heightened and coupled with an extreme anxiety about the future.

What I kept hearing underneath the chatter was the need to know how long the suffering and struggle would continue.

How long identities would stay intact.

How long the emptiness would last.

That need to know perpetuating more suffering and struggle.

The nakedness of reality so daunting that we compartmentalize only to survive, leaving little room for acceptance of what surrounds us at present.

That need to know protecting us from communion with one another, communion with suffering as part of life’s path.

Suffering and struggle as a gateway to selflessness if we only took a moment to breathe through it.

You experience the emptiness as a hollow vessel of uncertainty.

I say it is filled with possibility, making us less susceptible to illusion, more susceptible to love.

Our footprints upon this majestic womb are changing.

Our footprints beyond this world already have.

We haven’t noticed them yet as the opportunity to stay in the present has been so painful for many.

I am here with you.

You are here with me.

A heartbeat away from acceptance.

I will hold your hand until we arrive together.

Dear 2020,

Your sojourn amidst linear reality has left us altered.

What was once recognizable, experienced through a comfortable state of perceived reality, has opened gateways into unchartered territory of our emotional landscaping.

There is a perfection to chaos which not even you can undermine.

This place we call home, this kingdom we have yet to encounter is everlasting.

2020 is but a moment in this vast experience of rebirth, a glimpse into a communal soul that awaits each one of us as we walk this path.

We have learned much from you; a grace only to be mirrored by those angels in heaven.
You have taught us to adapt, to struggle well, to surrender more, to pray incessantly.

The commonality of loss, grief, fear, shame; the plethora of emotions we still have yet to dance with, has indeed made life’s melody more interesting.

Flesh upon flesh,

Innocence upon innocence,

She called to me from her womb.

Seeing my pain,

The rawness of my unworthiness,

She enveloped me one breath at a time.

Until I could no longer feel myself, a reflection of my woundedness.

Until I could feel her.

Just her.

Stroking my hair, caressing my body,

Soothing me until I no longer felt alone,

Belonging to a part of that womb which has nourished me since I entered this realm.

The Goddess embodied in a place that could sometimes be unholy,

Taking my breath and making it her own.

Reminding me that holiness can be found everywhere I lay my feet upon the ground, upon her.

Earth to earth.

Child to womb.

Soul to soul.

I love you.

Your world might be spinning right now, in a plume of smoke where aspects of self keep disappearing, leaving the possibly of integration at the threshold of nothingness.

The source of your trauma is within your grasp at this juncture in history.

What was individual stopped being so and rests in the domain of the collective.

We will be entering the year of the tribe.

A time when your personal landscape melds with dimensions and realities where anything is possible.

But for anything to be possible, the constraints which bind us have to be gently unwound, with respect and dignity towards the miasms that once made us and our ancestors feel whole.

The renewing of self, the renewing of the collective, are being interwoven at speeds unknown to humankind before now.

There is a deepening of that vulnerability and we are all feeling it.

Coupled with long held emotions that traverse our inner universe, we remain still until we feel that tribe surrounding us, pulling us into a tabernacle of holiness we have never witnessed before.

And oh, we will witness the nature of who we are in relationship to the universe in unprecedented ways.

You can no longer carry yourself.

The tribe will carry you as you carry others.

This is the way.

Takes you by the hand and holds you by the heart.

Whose pulsating breath moves through you softly,

Entering into your holiness,

One heartbeat at a time.

Waiting for you to receive its splendor.

With all your trepidation,

You exhale slowly, opening to its benevolence.

This wondrous earth.

A home unlike any you have witnessed before,

Except that of your own soul.

Treat it reverently.

From the sins of your past, and those of your lineage.

From the sacredness that has enveloped your soul and carried you though every incarnation.

You are birthed from the rawness of innocence and the darkest of mysteries.

From the unbridled rage that permeates collective generations,

To the forgiveness that ambles gently behind it.

From the angels that hear your fervent prayers,

To the demons that abscond with them.

You are birthed neither male or female,

But of flesh, bone and blood.

To which you have ascribed an identity which pulls you away from that which you truly are.

A fertile energy from source, emanating polarities of universal threads.

Encompassing good and evil.

One day, you will come to accept all that you are.

“What is there to see?” I quivered.

The darkness looked bemused and took a step back as not to frighten me so.

“Your perceptions of me are unfounded, rooted amidst desperation in trying to understand who you are.

You are as much afraid of me as you are of your light. Those heavy emotions that permeate your soul when left to despair, powerlessness and hatred make me something out to be that I am not. I don’t fuel those emotions within you. You do. You give those emotions power over you and then project blame onto me. And all I want to do is simply help you understand the balance between  your light and myself. And in order to do that, I need to get closer to you. Sometimes that may not be so comfortable, for both of us. As afraid of me as you are, I find myself a little frightened of your light too.”

Seeing how vulnerable darkness was becoming,

I walked closer to it, more curious of its nature.

“How could you be afraid of my light? Look at all the harm you have perpetuated throughout humanity?”

“I didn’t cause humanity to suffer.  Humans and their interpretations of me, their ability to choose – that is what caused their suffering.

I have been and always will be a silent partner in the midst of creation, only ignited by what humans fear most, and acted upon by misguided thoughts.

From the moment your soul felt abandoned by the Divine, you conjured up a manifestation of me to fill that void. My voice wasn’t mine anymore. It became some construct of the collective used to further separate you from yourself, humanity from its collective soul.

I search the universe, haunted by humanity’s need to make me something I am not.

I yearn to be that silent partner again in the midst of creation. To stand by your side, holding hands with your light, understanding it as much as I want to understand myself.”

I paused for a moment and then extended my hand.

Darkness, even more humbled by my offering, reached for it and came closer to me.

“I’d like to get to know you better.” I said.

“I’d like that too,” the darkness smiled.

As we held hands, our fears slowly began melting away, and the nature of the universe felt like home again.

The Laws of Attraction, the Laws of Abundance, Karma and so on.

This interlude in time that we are experiencing is igniting what I refer to as an idealized spirituality where opposing concepts in many new age theories will either make or break you during this crisis in humanity. I should first begin by sharing that my studies in various traditions come from the sages and saints of old. I found it challenging for me in the 90’s to grasp onto much of what I refer to as ‘New Age’. Please know that I respect other belief systems and the paradigms that assist each of us on our journeys. I just may not agree with everything  I read. For me, many of the conceptualizations around reality seek to avoid suffering and create paradigms where cause and effect mirror one’s thought processes, past incarnations, suppressed emotions etc. As someone who has practiced the healing arts for almost twenty five years and experienced ecstatic states into the natures of good and evil amidst the spirit world, I have seen things that cannot be put into words. Some years ago, I had a friendship with a well known author in the mind/body/spirit field. He, like many before him, emphatically stated that all illness was a direct result of thoughts and emotions. When he ended up in the hospital due to illness, he called me, very ashamed, and wanting to keep his illness secret. I have had countless conversations with colleagues, clients etc over the years on these subjects relating to the laws of attraction, abundance etc and for the ones that put into practice these belief systems, when they ‘fail’ in their endeavors to achieve their intentions, the unworthiness that arises causes a disassociation of self so great, that struggling with the disappointment and being present with the unworthiness is not something that is easily recognizable. A dualistic reality is created where the seeker is in complete control of all that happens or all that will manifest for them in their futures, a mindset where powerlessness does not have to exist and if it does, then perhaps they are doing something wrong.  I observe and in my work, I do share with clients the origins of their illnesses as I am able to perceive them. And yes, I might be contradicting myself here but thoughts and emotions do influence illnesses and life paths, as well as ancestral miams and collective karma, but they are just a minute part of the whole of this vast spiritual construct in which we are not given the complete understanding of the universal laws at work. I share with every person I work with that I can offer a glimpse into the multi dimensional experience of their soul and physicality, but to remember it is only a glimpse. If we were to understand the nature of how the universe worked in its entirety, then many things would be different. Suffice it to say many of the sages and saints I have read never professed to have all the answers surrounding God/universe and humanity. Many of these precepts serve to help us feel more empowered in our lives. Don’t get me wrong. I am all for empowerment. But when I hear clients in despair especially during this time and questioning karma, all the work they have done on ‘attracting’ abundance or other things in their lives and how it could all just disintegrate during a pandemic, I gently remind them of other countries, other world populations and some of the history of the world. The genocides that have taken place throughout time. The history of oppression.

I have been to countries where people live in squalor but their prayers and love for each other along with gratitude for what they are given keep them moving forward. So why didn’t the Laws of Abundance work for them? Were their prayers not powerful enough? Did they attract their suffering? Friends from war torn countries have shared their stories with me, gathering their families in prayer to keep them safe. Do these same New Age theories not apply to them?

Please understand I am a firm believer in prayer and have seen it work miracles. But the miracles I have seen at work are of the internal kind. If the external world receives a physical manifestation from these prayers, then I say Amen. And I have witnessed that many times as well. There have been studies done on the power of thought and emotion, all extremely valid. It is our interpretation that these theories will lead us out of physical suffering and despair which continues that cycle of suffering if that does not happen. As though access to this kind of energy has some sort of magical power, and the ones who reap its benefits in this physical realm must surely be closer to God. And for those who continue to send out positive thoughts and intentions and still suffer in this physical world – do they not have access to the same magical energies?

New age concepts can lead the seeker to a form of escapism from many realities. We need to have answers to conditioning that brings about suffering or struggle. A few of my clients having a hard time through this pandemic told me this week they were signing up for some webinars on attracting more abundance into their lives or protecting them from this pandemic. Again, whatever works for the seeker. But even if we did have all the answers, it will not eradicate suffering. It will not eradicate those emotions we fear most within us. This is life. A culmination of birth and rebirth, beginnings and endings, mysteries that might never make sense to the seeker. There is definitely power to positive thoughts, love, service, a great power indeed. I write about it all the time. All I am suggesting is to allow space within you to accept the other mysteries that life affords you, those having to do with struggle and suffering so that when it comes your way, you will be ready to receive it and work with it, heal with it, and be present with it in your daily lives.

Its energies compel me to hold still, within myself, listening softly to its wisdom not spoken in words, but in its rapture.

As an augur it portends what is about to come.

I yield to its might, for it knows the secret mysteries of the universe within every drop of water.

Shedding the weight of humanity as it bears down upon us.

One secret at a time.

One portal at a time.

I surrender and press my womb against you as you evoke both God and Goddess in me, yearning to be healed by your magical waters.

I surrender.

Come back dear children.

To this place of density that needs you so right now.

To this place of rooted beings within creation deemed as sacred by the gods as are the heavens.

To this place of madness which can only be remedied by the beauty in which you perceive amidst its complexities.

Yes, you will be wounded time and time again.

You will also be glorified and sanctified, connected to every living creature the stars shine their light upon.

Come back dear children.

This place of density, this place you and your ancestors call home.

For everything that is of earth is of you.