Some of your ancestors have taught you how to hate.
What stories are you carrying in your weary bones
That ignite confusion across generations
Especially in the pivotal moment
Where you need to choose what kind of ancestor
You want to be to future generations to come.
So that when worlds collide
You will know where to find
Your solitude
Amidst the chaos.
It will liken itself
To an innocence not lost,
Only hidden from sight
Until it was ready to
Be completely understood.
Life is so very real, fragile, exhilarating, painful, luminescent.
Your bones bathe in your ancestor’s wounds
While your soul carresses a future lineage awaiting
Each breath of your awakening.
You could taste the earth, its rooted energies,
As it draws life into your blood
And moistens your marrow.
A life so vast the rocks and trees know you by
Your name.
The stars await your confession
The hardships you can no longer bear
The resentment without a place to call home
Within a mind and heart that was created to love.
No, being human is not for the faint of heart.
But I know you.
Perhaps in the way God knows you.
Perhaps in the way you know yourself
But are afraid to see the truth.
You are braver that you think..
After all, you are right here, right now.
So live and be human.
Your ancestors might need to speak through your cells
Your blood and bones might need to relive a pattern until it comes to rest.
There are a myriad number of reasons why our illnesses and maladies are gateways to another world.
Be kind to your bodies, in weakness, and in strength.
And dust to dust
We lay down our lives with each dawn
That passes when we
Turn our hearts against each other.
There is no realm
Where we will not wait
For a patient judgement
That softens the hardness
From generations past
Who crave leniency for a prayer
Not yet spoken
Because pain for some is
Easier to bear than love.
We will not be resurrected alone.
Lineages will gather
Upon a sullen earth
To tend to the needs of many.
If your desire for pain is greater than your need for love,
Will you be able to stand by your brothers and sisters?
The time has come to live an honorable life
Where your heart becomes one heart, living and breathing
For the many.
I heard the voices of my ancestors
Rising up and wondering if their lives
Still had any worth beyond the veil.
I listened to their cries as shame
Ripped through fragments of their souls.
Fatigued from their self pity,
I tore apart the realms in search of every grace
Afforded to them from lifetimes of learning
And lay every speck of light at their feet.
I screamed at them to open their eyes and their hearts.
I shook their spirits until they could feel
How my own unworthiness was healed
From all the strength and love they gave to me.
In wanting to become
Someone other than who she was
That she forgot pieces of herself
That were trying to move on
Ready to be set free
So that in becoming
The holding on and letting go
Were a love affair destined by the universe
To mold her into whom she was ready to be.
the silence will no longer be silent.
It will arise with uncertainty and ask the questions you have been afraid to answer.
The questions that erupt into a cycle of isolation, spiraling heart and mind into oblivion,
creating chaos that longs to be justified.
The silence needs nothing from you.
It is you who need its tenderness amidst the chaos, its comfort amidst the grief, its grace amidst the confusion.
The silence never left you.
You escaped from it much of your life,
wandering through deserts in search of yourself.
Only to return to the same place you started from.
My how long a journey you made,
in struggling more than you needed to.
A spiral universe above and below
Where humans were once enchanted between the realms
Dancing amidst fairies and gnomes
Dieities and giants
Penetrating spirit
Taking from the Holy Grail its source of nourishment
To continue frolicking with innocence
Neither fire nor ice
Serpents or angels
Could reveal a destiny so great
That humans would remember
The portal from which they came.
The longing for ancient ritual
Is steeped in our blood
We become the guardians of one another
In other worlds
But in middle earth
We are tainted by a darkness
That we ignited ourselves.
Oh to be set free once again
Touched an innocence immersed
In those same healing waters
The gods swam in.
Your destiny.
Your choice.
“How long can you endure?”
At my darkest hour, I heard a voice coming from the flame.
That slippery slope of emotional turmoil where the burdening question of existence perpetuates that longing for some sense of relief.
I turned around and searched everywhere for the inquisitor.
Who had the audacity to challenge the facade of my integrity?
“How long can you endure?”
My pulsating heartbeat could be heard across dimensions.
“Who are you?”
My anger swirled and descended to the earth beneath me.
“You know who I am. I have followed you for lifetimes.
Never more than one step behind you.
You have thought me the bane of your existence.
But I have and will always be your greatest hope, your greatest salvation.”
I pulled back, bewildered by the voice.
“I still don’t know who you are. Why don’t you come out and show yourself!”
“I’ve never hidden from you. You just refuse to see me for who I am, who you are, and for what we can become together.
I’ve told you my name a thousand times over, but your heart could never hear me. Your mind would never listen. Your spirit would never receive.”
Exhausted, with what little strength I had left I shifted my gaze to the ethers.
“I don’t understand. You seem to think you know about me, as though we’ve met before. Please, can you just tell me your name?”
There was this pause. I swear I could hear the entire universe in one breath.
“Forgiveness. My name is forgiveness. And we have met before. In every lifetime, in every moment. I have walked by your side, carried you when you were too weak, strengthened you when you needed me most. You rarely like to admit it, but you do need me. The truth is, I need you too. My question remains the same. How long can you endure?”
I had no answer, I just lay frozen in my own conundrum.
“I’ll wait for you. I’m in no rush. Your story is my story. You actually can’t endure without me. But you can suffer more.
I hope you allow me the honor of mending your wounds. I couldn’t think of any other way I would want to spend the rest of my life. When you’re ready, all you have to do is look within. I’ll be here.”
